A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:To make a long story short, I feel like I got married too young and for the wrong reasons. Today after several years of marriage and 2 small kids, I feel the man I married isn't the man he used to be after he seriously betrayed my trust. I know I am very emotionally unattached to him. He is a good father and has tried his best to make it up to me. I believe that I have forgiven him for his big mistake but it left me not in love like I used to think I was. I have been thinking of getting a divorce but worry it would be too much on my kids. Although I very much care for him as a person and have tried very hard to put my feelings back where they used to be, I find myself forcing myself to accept his affection, such as a kiss good bye. I do not know how to be on my own and am very scared that I might regret my descision if I choose to divorce. I feel like damaged goods and am afraid to be alone. I feel like wrecking my family could be the worst thing I could possibly do but I cannot force myself to fall back in love with my husband. How can I make that choice between being selfish and keeping my family together for the kids sake?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2008): You may think that you are over his betrayal, but are you really 100% sure about that? Sorry hun, but I don't think you are. There's things about your "letter" that just shout out that you are still badly wounded by this, whether you know it or not.
To leave your marriage is a big decision, and as such it would be best if you looked at all your options before deciding one way or another.
I would suggest that you both go to some relationship counselling as I think that maybe the scars of what happened are deeper than you realise right now. If you do that and still decide at the end of it that there is no hope for this relationship then it is time to consider what would be best for your children - a mommy and daddy who tried their hardest and gave it every chance but decided to part on civil terms, or a mommy and daddy who will start to resent each other and create (without even fully realising it) a bad atmosphere but stay married because they think it's better for the kids, even though it's hurting them too.
I say give counselling a serious try - for your sake, for his sake and for the sake of your kids. Good luck to you, and I hope you find happiness whatever the outcome.
A
female
reader, lilyflower.n  +, writes (11 July 2008):
wow, you are quite stuck here. Look nobody can force themsevles to fall in love. If you don't love him you don't love him, first accept that and then decide what is the best thing to do. talk to him about how you feel.
best of luck
xo
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