A
male
age
30-35,
*ilentlyLeaving
writes:I'm utterly heartbroken here. I met this girl who I wasn't that attracted to at first and we became really good friends very quickly. She showed a lot of interest in me and she eventually started hanging out with me at the movies and my house. This is when she started seriously flirting with me and leading me on. I got the hint really quickly and also something else happened- she suddenly became the cutest girl in the world to me and I became extremely attracted to her. I asked her to be my girlfriend eventually and was surprised at her response being no, she only liked me as a friend. I accepted it, and was confused, but accepted it. Then she did it again- heaving flirting and leading me on. Like what? Well, she's done many things like ask me personnel questions- the kind you'd ask someone to see if they're compatible with you including things I would do if I had a girlfriend/wife and other things (some I probably shouldn't repeat on here!) that were pretty darn obvious she was referring to her and me. She's also cuddled with me in my bed for an hour, cuddled with me numerous times on the couch and floor, often in positions only one would want to engage in with the one they desire. She's also touched me sweetly on my back and such, drank a straw after me, etc and essentially everything on the How To Tell A Girl Likes You first link when searched on Google. The bed thing finally made me ask her yet again to be my girlfriend. Once again, she said no, just wanted to be friends. At this point I assumed she didn't want to be in a relationship with anyone right now and was just waiting for a different time because, well, she continued flirting with me yet again, although it did take a little while longer before she started it up. The thing that finally broke my heart is now she met a brand new guy, eerily similar to me I might add (musical taste, personalty, etc but probably better than me) and she still flirts with me and leads me on. Now it's much less, because I asked her for the final time to be my girlfriend, and the answer was still NO. Why is she doing this? Why would she want me to love her so she could not love me back? I feel like she just wants a boy to chase her and she was practicing on me or something. It really has hurt my feelings and I feel sick inside every time I see her texting that new guy who she TOLD me, rather cruelly, that she was very interested in him. I loved her with my whole heart after knowing her for nearly a year, and this whole time it seems she only liked me for attention. I'm extremely upset and hurt by this. Please help me! Am I insane for wanting to still be her friend? If she wanted to be just friends with me, why does she have to lead me on all the time and happily accept my romantic interest and moves towards her? Please help me I've been a wreck all week T_T
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male
reader, Advice_man +, writes (28 June 2012):
 The term attention "whore" that Honeypie uses couldn't be more appropriate for such characters. Indeed, women can be very manipulative you have to be very careful. As you get older you will see this happening to you and other men quite often, in different scenarios but all from insecure, selfish women who seek attention just to feel good and confident, being uncaring for smashing our feelings. You didn’t do anything wrong, you responded in a way that is natural. Even now that you are aware of the existence of such nasty female characters, you could still fall again into the same trap an attention "whore" will set for you. How do you distinguish genuine feelings from fake, leading-on feelings? It’s really difficult to spot such women, as they are artists in manipulation. It takes years of experience basically until you develop your own defence mechanism to such characters. But do one thing right: once you spot them, ditch them completely out of your life, avoid politely any further contact because you are vulnerable and if you stay around it will never stop, you will be her toy and she will play with your feelings whenever she likes. Above all, always maintain your dignity and self-respect no matter the cost! Best wishes!
A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (28 June 2012):
Just tell her no and back off from her. Stop giving into what she needs, and give into YOUR NEEDS. Friendship is all about boundaries and she has obviously set them for you. The things you are asking, are in themselves, answers.
Stop paying so much attention to this friend, after all she is just a friend. If she comes onto you again ask her why is she doing this. If she gets upset then tell her straight up. What's the point of having a friend like this if she can't at least respect you?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 June 2012):
 She sounds like an attention "whore" (not trying to be harsh but that is the saying) and somewhat of a tease.
Why is she doing it, because she likes GAMES, she CRAVES attention.
However, honey, you need to listen to the clues. The FIRST time she tells you she ONLY likes you as a friend you have your limits. if YOU feel she oversteps your "friendship" limits you tell her stop (such as the cuddling in bed, sharing straws and intimate details) You don't have to do ANY of these.
I think you "played" along because you liked the girl and hoped she would see what was in front of her. Obviously she didn't. She is either not really ready for an ACTUAL relationship or she is just a general flirt/tease.
Back away from her, back totally off actually. Let her play her little head games with someone else and move on. You are wasting your time barking up this "tree".
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