A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My bf and I have been together 3 years. When we met we had a lot of chemistry and started seeing each other, a few months down the line we moved in together as i needed somewhere for college and he said he'd share with me. We had a really good relationship, really great and in love. I realised soon after that a girl that he worked with was his ex and that they wete still friends. I found pictures and there was lies and fights and everything. She has been an issue ever since. For that first year he still spoke to her and txted her and he hid a lot of stuff. He swore to me that she meant nothing and just wanted to be friends but he always seemed to have a different story anytime we argued. Be told me on occasions that they had a good relationship and on others that they're relationship was pointless. What really bothered me was that she broke up with him. He said he got over her fairly soon. However what I got from evrything is that he really liked her and fancied her and that he was still in love with her and had to see her everyday at work. When Odyssey him they had broken up for about 8 months and when we moved in and were really seriously together it wad nearly 2 years since they broke up. They had been together 7 months. Since the issues and stuff with her, I started to feel really insecure and wondered how he felt about her now and then, whether he preferred her and stuff. i even asked him if he thought she wad better lookng. He said no , mostly but to be honest he never really liked talking about anyway of it and has real problems with talking about emotions and memories. He forgets shit but he also panicks and lies. One time I begged him to be honest and he said she was prettier and it hurt because it seemed genuine. But he took that back not long after and said he only said that because I never believe him when he says anything else and he wanted me to stop asking. But I don't know if I can trust anything anymore. He has lied an awful lot to make me feel better and I know without trust then its usually pointless. But I love him and we really are best friends, if it wasnt for her we would never argue. The other day I said to him that I wanted him to be honest about how he felt about her and the start of her relationship, I said to me it seemed like he wasn't over her and thouht she was gorgeous and had to see her everyday and that he kept the pics and lied and txted her etc.. because he still liked her. Now he has sworn to me that he did not still have feelings for her when we met and he went with that again and he says he can't explain stuff cause he can't remember stuff. But then he said that he thinks I'm right, that he wasn't over her and that he needed time. And he's sorry it took so long.She left working there about a year ago and he told me he stopped talking to her . But for that whole year , nearly 2, he was friendly with her etc.. I knew he wasn't going to cheat and I knew she had a bf but I feel like he still was interested in her. That he can't have loved me and was that attracted to me if she still held his attention. I don't know what to do, I love him and it hurts that our relationship wasn't the relationship I thought it started as, I thought it was special and that we really had a connection and I thought he loved me like I loved him but now it feels like a lie. It feels ruined . How could he have felt for me what I thougt when he still liked her. How do I know he wouldntve preferred her, as a person and looks wise. She broke up with him. We'be been together over 3 years and I love him , I don't want to lose him but I don't want to feel like this either. I can't get it out of my head, I feel so second best .
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2012): Thanks for the reply angel. I know what you mean, I know I'm wrecking his head but I would never have been so insecure if he had been honest with me. I read over my question and I can't seem to explain how its been, he has twisted so much stuff and lied and said it was because he can't remember stuff and doesn't want to hurt me and he swore to me and then found out it was another lie. And i just don't know what's what anymore. It's just today he told me that I was right, that he wasn't over her. Although he had sworn that he was 100% over her and that nothing he said or did was because he still liked her, he promised me that. And now it turns out he did still like her. How do I know to what degree? that pretty much changes everything that we'be ever spoken about.
What does it say about me, what he felt for me if I wasn't enough to make him stop thinking of her.
Do you understand what I mean? If she broke up with him and he still liked her when he was with me , how do I know that he wanted me over her. She didn't want him, I adored him and he let me hurt and get more and more insecure and kept telling me he only thought of her as a work collegeaue but now I know that wasn't true. He held on to her , at the risk of losing me.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2012): Hiya,I hope this helps you.If you keep doing what you are doing sweetie. you run the risk that you will lose him. This obsessive need you have for validation from him and his feelings for you or her will only drive him up the wall.Its normal to compare yourself to the ex especially when you know that they were still around one another and she was pretty but they are not meant to be together, otherwise they would be. You are going to have to seriously work on your insecurities before you run him off.You need to realize that this guy is with you 3 years, he adores you, treated you well and has not left you and you love him. Dont let anything or ANYONE jeopardise that. If you drive him away then she has won because you allowed his old feelings for her ruin this.It really is up to you but i do hope that you pinch yourself and say the past is done, nobody is going to ruin this for us.
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