A
female
age
36-40,
*aught
writes:When I was seventeen, I met a guy and fell very deeply in love with him. Everything about him was ideal and we were together for three years. We broke up because he got a job in another continent and I was going to university and it didn't make sense to have a long distance relationship with no hope of seeing each other in the foreseeable future. I met my husband at university and we have been married for just over three years. He's a great guy and my best friend.By chance, I met my ex in the street last week. We got talking and he seemed relatively unsurprised by my life events... And admitted he often looked me up on the internet and had kept in touch with my family (we met through my cousin) so he could see how I was doing. It felt so strange being with him again, it felt like he was still my boyfriend and when we said goodbye it didn't feel right just shaking hands and walking away. I went home and told my husband, who was ok about it and even encouraged me to see him again. I've spent the whole week thinking about it, I want to see him again more than anything, but... I don't know if I should. I don't think I can /just/ be friends with him, both of us will want more. He told me that he always thought we'd get back together one day, and had to take time off work when he found out I'd got married.I know its selfish because my husband loves me and I love him. But my ex... I just feel like he's my soul mate. Am I just caught up in the fantasy and so can't appreciate what I have?
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best friend, broke up, cousin, get back together, long distance, my ex, soulmate, the internet, university Reply to this Question
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female
reader, caught +, writes (15 June 2013):
caught is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks all, those are the answers I needed. I'm being ridiculous even contemplating seeing him.
This morning, my husband asked me when I was meeting up with my ex again and when I said I wasn't, he was so smug and pleased with himself, like it was a reflection on how great he was... Which it is, I suppose! He told me he wasn't ok with it at all, he was just trying to see what I'd do. He's smarter than I give him credit for haha.
A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (15 June 2013):
 HI
The reason your feeling this way is because you both ended it amicably, I doubt he had to take time off work that to me in its self sounds like alarms bells for distrust straight away. You have what sounds like a GREAT husband, don't ruin it by old feelings clouding your better judgement. I wouldn't keep in touch with him, and I would spend quality time with your husband, because although he said you should see him if you want to, I guess his also feeling a little weary as to why you would want to. Forget him now, an ex is an ex for a reason ( it was not meant to be)
Mandy x
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A
female
reader, llifton  +, writes (15 June 2013):
 do yourself a favor. forget this situation ever happened and put him out of your mind. put your heart into your husband. you say he's your best friend - sounds like things are great. don't stray. you have what most people want.
you already know that if you see this guy again, it's just going to confuse you. there's no sense in that. besides, your husband trusts you. don't break that trust.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (15 June 2013):
That grass is GREEN! It's easy for you to have found your soul mate when your love has never been put to any kind of test (other than moving which didn't turn out well).
If you go see your ex you'll be putting your good marriage to the test, and NOTHING can be guaranteed with your ex. You may ruin your marriage then find out that the reality didn't match the fantasy.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (15 June 2013):
 Phht, he always thought you and he would get back together again one day, and he had to take a day off work when he heard you got married.
What the hell did he think you were going to do in between the space where you and he broke up and that mystical 'one day' ..... sit folded up in a box waiting for him to come open it up?
What a load of baloney!
What was stopping either of you getting back in touch with each other once your studies were completed? What was wrong then with you both keeping in touch WHILE you were studying? Emails did exist then you know, and snail mail and international telephone calls have been in existence since forever!
If you are so inclined to throw away a three year marriage with a decent bloke for one that couldn't even pick up a freaking telephone over the past what ..... 6 or seven years? Then do it! Toss the husband aside and tear up the contract (marriage) between you for this loser then go for it .... I am sure there is a nice girl out there somewhere who recognises the qualities of your husband and would just love to be given the life you are so willing to toss in the trash.
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