A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I feel like society looks down on single childless, educated women but holds single mums in high praise and I don't understand why? I feel like men are not interested in me because I don't have kids, both my ex partners went on to marry women with kids and usually when I get approached/dating the man cools down on my when I tell him I don't have any kids. I find this the case with all men, but mostly single men with no kids, as I get the odd single DAD showing interest, but I'm not really looking to raise another womans kids. Can someone help me? are there dating sites for childness people? I can't have children so this is proving quite a difficult feat!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2012): I'm a guy who doesn't want kids and I ind it near impossible to meet women who don't want kids (or can't have them). If only you were nearer my age (38) and lived near me!!
Seriously, a lot of men don't want kids but have them because their partner does (most women do want and can have), There are some who really want to be dads so perhaps with your exes you were just unlucky.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2012): To be honest, I don't think that men don't want you because you don't have kids. I think you think they won't want you because of this.
And do you tell them that you can't have kids? Straight off? Because that wouldn't be a good move, I don't think.
Are you sure you can't have children?
At your age, if you are sure you can't, then it is a big issue, I am sure, for you, and it would be a big thing for any man involved with you. Unless he already has the children he wants. If he says he doesn't want children, I would take that with a pinch of salt, because most people do, and it is a big sacrifice to make, to be with you.
If you really can't have children, I think you do need some help to think about this and deal with it, and that you need some support. Right now you might not think you want to be a mother to someone else's child, but that may be your way to be a mother. And you really will need to be much more open and flexible if you want to find a nice guy. He may or may not have children, but at the moment, you don't sound ready for that - and maybe that is what men are picking up on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2012): I think the fact that your 2 exes have went on to marry women with kids is just a coincidence but has led you to project this onto the rest of society and you are seeing things that aren't there, there are A LOT of men who don't want a relationship with a woman who has kids.
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A
male
reader, Neversleeper +, writes (10 August 2012):
Hi there.
I must say I agree with HoBo. I've been single now for around 5 years (I'm male), and I've had some dates in that time but nothing that has really lasted, such as life, that's the way the dating game goes. But one thing I've found to be a prominent and regular feature of getting to know somebody new is that almost every date I went on where she had children from previous relationships, she asked me "if I minded" her having kids.
I'm certainly no expert on relationships, but I've never had a problem with someone having children who aren't mine. I have a daughter from a previous relationship who I love very much and still see regularly, so maybe a bit of this comes from that situation, but as HoBo mentioned, it certainly seems strange someone wouldn't want to date you on account of you not having children.
I wouldn't assume this would be the problem in finding someone new, obviously everyone is different and thinks different ways about things, but don't let it niggle away at you.
There is DEFINITELY someone out there for all of us. It may take a long time to find them, but it will be worthwhile when you meet them.
Christian.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2012): I'm really surprised you've found this, because the single mums I know complain that men don't want to date them because they HAVE kids, not because they don't. There are many men who are prepared to bring up another man's children, but I don't think it's what most men set out to do.
Have they told you in so many words that the reason they don't want to date you is that you don't have children, or is this the conclusion that you are drawing by yourself? If it is the case that they are not dating you because you don't have kids, then forgive the cliché but they are obviously not right for you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2012): I think you're looking at only a small pocket of society - the world is huge. In most educated circles being childless is an advantage and desired for longer periods of time, well into your 30's.
Perhaps this is more about your attitude of not being able to have kids that pushes men away?
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