A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a relationship for a year with a girl I've known forever (mums went to school together) and we love eachother alot. Only, recently I've realised that I'm very posessive. I work random hours and I'm at home alot and subsequentley get quite bored, then end up bugging her whilst she's at work. I seem to get annoyed when she doesn't reply to my messages and take my boredom out on her. We live together and have a healthy sex life. She enjoys socialising with her friends and goes out quite regular, however, I don't seem to want to see my friends half as much as I used to. We cook together, talk and laugh. We like eachothers company and dont get on eachothers nerves, when we're together. You could say we are best friends, most of the time. Seems like a perfect scenario but I get jealous and worry about her leaving me and its driving her away. I couldn't bear to be without her and it seems to be all I think about. We went out for her friends birthday the other night, she drove and I drunk, unfortunatley. We got back home and had a massive argument, I said alot of hurtful and nasty things that I wish I didn't and am now ashamed and embarassed of, caused a massive fuss and she walked out (with alot of protest from me) and stayed at a friends. Yesterday she came back home and we spent the day together and she stayed home last night but today she still feels like we are falling apart and I don't know what to do! I don't want to loose her and I'm confident she wouldn't cheat on me so why am I feeling this way? I've never been cheated on before either!I've promised her I will change but she is doubtful, which is understandable. I know in my heart I want to change and I believe I can but what can I do to prove it to her? Work seems to be getting to her too and I'm really not helping. She enjoys her job but it's very stressful and because of the other night, she had to take a day off yesterday which didn't help her situation at all. I just feel like im constantly letting her down with my childish ways.
View related questions:
at work, best friend, drunk, jealous, sex life Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk, so, it's been over a week now and we hadn't spoken or seen eachother in that time, still got a few of her clothes and stuff here so that needs to be sorted, all in good time. However. I woke up this moring to find her standing next to my bed, not really sure why she was there and she didn't know either. I asked if it was to pick up her stuff and she said no. She was supposed (and was dressed for) to be at work! She got into bed with me, clothed (i was naked) and cuddled me. We talked and stuff and she said she didn't want to do to me what her ex's had done to her, i.e, come round whenever they please just to have sex with her. But I wanted her so much and I could tell it was what she wanted. She cried, blah blah one thing led to another and you can guess what happened. It was just how it used to be, no akwardness or anything but, after about 30 mins she just burst out crying, like ive never seen her cry before. She just broke down. Another thing is, she had never had an orgasam before we got together. I knew she wanted it so much and she composed herself, sort of, and carried on till she got what she wanted. We then cuddled and fell asleep, then woke up a couple of hours later and she got dressed and decided to go into work. She isn't coming back to me I know that but I'm so confused! I love her so so much and I want her back! She has underlying issues, such as being raped when she was much younger and having an abortion etc, the feelings are still very raw for her and re-occur quite often. I want to help her through them but she feels trapped whenever things start to get serious and I think this is the reason she feels like she has to get out. I don't really know what kind of response I am hoping to get from writing this, if any, but I had to write this down! This girl is my life and I cant really imagine it without her, we haven't fallen out and we dont hate eachother, we still love eachother as far as I'm aware! If anything, this recent few weeks and today have made me realise, I don't need her, but boy do I want her. And I hope that she eventually wants me, us, again.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (7 September 2008):
Oh dear. Well it looks like it wasn't just your fault then. If she is too immature to move away from her parents yet then that is not your fault.
Living together can be really hard.
I'm sorry hun.
Good Luck!! xx
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh well, it didn't work. She's coming over later to pick up her things and she is moving out. She says we arent any good for eachother anymore, She wants to be young still, she doesn't want to live in the flat, doesnt want the bills, doesnt want me.
...............................
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (5 September 2008):
Just to give you perspective - I haven't seen my husband in 115 days. He's in Iraq.
48 hours is NOTHING!
Get yourself a game cube and go on a monster zelda marathon. I can spend 2 days just doing that.
Good Luck!! xx
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you, I'll do exactly that. Only, she isn't staying home, she is staying over a friends tonight and then the same as tomorrow so the earliest I'm actually going to see her face to face is probably late Sunday evening! I won't do any of the things I'm trying to change, I want this to work and will accecpt anything she feels she needs to do to feel happier. It's going to be hard because I know I'm going to miss her like crazy. But it has to be done.Thanks for your replies, its really appreciated.
...............................
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (5 September 2008):
She's still angry with you so it is too easy for you to say, "look I have changed" when you are together. Your problems come when she is not with you.
She's cancelled your cinema date because she's still to angry with you to sit and hold hands. She's going out and this, believe it or not is GREAT for you.
Let her go out, kiss her good bye and tell her to have a great time. Let her know that if she gets stuck with out a taxi that you'll come and pick her up.
Then leave her to it. She will only see you're trying to change when you don't get all possessive and don't text her, when you are asleep in bed when she gets home and not pacing the hall ready to interrogate her, when you cook her a hangover-cure breakfast and ask if she feels like going out during the day and don't even ask about her night out other that to ask if she had a good time.
Let her go out and party and get it off her chest, and show her that you can be a brilliant boyfriend and not do any of the things that you are trying to change.
Good Luck!! xx
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI went out and bought some things she had been dropping hints for and ive apologised to no end. Yesterday I asked if we could goto the cinema tonight, so we could hold hands and be how we used to, now she is going out with her friends and cancelling work tomorrow, going out with her friends saturday night and also sunday night? Why? Is it like some sort of rebellion? Im quite upset but I'm going to try and not show her. I have work early tomorrow, we where going to travel together as its near the same area but now she is staying round her friends tonight and a diffrent friends Saturday. I'm so confused why she wants to be away for so long when we still have talking to do? Yet She says she still wants to be with me?!
...............................
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (5 September 2008):
Then stop doing it.
Stop texting her while she is at work. Buy her flowers and apologise for the things you said. Stop harassing her just because she wants to go out with her friends.
If you recognise the things you are doing then you have the power to choose not to do them.
The only way you can get her back is with actions and not words.
Good Luck!! xx
...............................
|
