A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My Boyfriends ex-girlfirend died in Aug 2011 we met end of sept 2011 he was only with her 10 months she was really ill when they got together yet i am so jealous as i can compete with them if there alive how can i compete if shes dead.He tells me i am the most important person he loves me more than he has ever loved anyone and he wishes he met me years ago but i am still jealous please herlp
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (17 February 2012):
 It’s very very hard to compete with a dead love… but who is causing this competition you or your boyfriend?
And was she an ex when she died? Because if she died while they were a couple she’s not his ex. She’s a former… or his past… but NOT an ex and that makes it worse for you but it’s the truth.
It sucks to be second best… and I get that…. I watch my father who lost my mother in late 1995 and 3 months later met a woman that he is still with to this day… and I know that she has to feel weird when he still slips and SIXTEEN years later calls her by my MOTHER’S nickname. Knowing he’s with her ONLY because my mother died has to be a real mood killer sometimes…
That being said… Men who lose a loved one and move on rather quickly are making a statement about how much they loved their former and that they can’t and don’t want to live alone….
So tell me does he have a “former girlfriend” shrine in his home? Does he speak of her constantly? “she would have done such and such” or “she would have liked such and such” or “you are so much like her” kind of stuff.
WHAT is causing your jealousy? Is it something he’s doing or saying or is this all in your head? Because to be honest until I know WHAT is causing you to be so insecure and jealous I can’t advise you on what to do as the cause of these feelings had direct bearing on which way my advice will go.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2012): He met you very soon after she passed, I can't imagine he gave himself time to properly grieve and heal that terrible time. The problem is you shouldn't try to compete with her, all he has of her is a memory now and he is entitled to that. It's not like they parted through choice, she was taken from him and if she hadn't of passed away he would probably still be with her. All you can do is be a friend to him and allow him to remember her but also show him he has a future and that his girlfriend would have wanted him to carry in with his life and try to be happy.
You can't compete with her though, that's just how it is and really he should have waiter and sorted his feelings out before getting into another serious relationship. His love for you will grow if he knows you are there for him to talk to without showing jealously. Hard situation but if he means alot to you then it's worth it. Good luck x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2012): You're jealous because she's dead? Jealous because you have him in your life, at your side, and have him TELLING YOU, trusting you, loving you with, he wishes he met you years ago and loves you more than he has every loved someone??
Your jealousy is so consuming and unhealthy it blinds you from him opening up his heart, being vunerable, trusting in you to declare his love and devotion?
Please seek counselling. Your own insecurities may funk up something that could bring you so much joy.
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