A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear aunts,I feel like I’m about to be stuck in the middle of a civil war and I need your help!Here’s the background: My grandfather is 96 years old and financially comfortable. My aunt moved to the east 30 years ago when she married her husband and they have a good life with four kids. My mother was widowed 10 years ago, she’s had a tough time of it and is not one of those people who are cut out to be alone- she sally struggles with it from many aspects.My grandpa pays my mothers rent and has done for 10 years. The agreement is when pa dies the money is taken out of her inheritance. Over the years my grandpa has given gifts of money to mum and auntie. I understand that where something was given to one the other was treated equally. In the meantime my aunt visits every 2-5 years and speaks to pa once a week on the phone. Mum on the other hand does the grocery shopping, the hospital visits, stays with him and manages logistics when he’s been admitted for heart problems, organises bill payments etc. It helps that they live near each other.When my aunt visited three years ago we found out that she had written to pa’s lawyer (on his behalf) to register the money my mum had received (including all the gifts) so that it could be deducted. She didn’t tell mum and she didn’t include a mention of her own gifts.My mum found out by accident when she opened pa’s post (which she also manages because he forgets he’s had any) and saw the acknowledgment reply. She’s known about it for a year but not told anyone.My worry is that this will turn into a big messy argument when pa dies. Mum feels that although her rent is being paid she is also an unofficial carer and that my aunt is having opinions from a distance. The money gifts she receives goes on luxury holidays. My mum doesn’t go on holiday and the money goes to keeping her head above water.Ultimately I worry about what will happen to mum when pa dies and how to navigate through this situation.Please help!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2020): I think your mum should contact your grandpa's lawyer or solicitor and register her fees for all her caring activities towards her dad.
For the amount of time she has done it she could be owed a substantial sum.
She could also register your aunt's costs of luxury holidays paid for by your grandad.
That would at least out then on an equal footing.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2020): Hi,
Yes, now is the TIME to get PA to make very clear in writing his 'last final will' and appoint a power of attorney possibly a solicitor rather than squabbling siblings. Your sister has proved she is counting the pennies already from afar. (Usually the case). However you are siblings and things should be fair but above all your pa's last will should be followed to the T, whatever it may be.
The deciding factor is he of sound mind, does he have CAPACITY, always worth secondary independent reviews on this matter. Some Medical bodies in certain settings often label all old people as having no capacity and dementia and write them off, when clearly they do have capacity to make sound decisions about their lives etc.
You sound level headed and clearly have the foresight to see what is ahead waiting regarding possible family feuds over finance.
Our family lost inheritance off our wealthy relative a couple of years ago because the Power of Attorney went into the wrong hands and although our names were in their will etc, the finance was pilfered and spent by an expert con artist within the family. Shame on them, we all tried to prove it( we had enough evidence) but could not afford the solicitors fees to pursue a case. Anyway just remember that the memories we create with our elderly relatives are far more important and don't want to taint with arguments, speak to PA quickly ( you may be best) then siblings can't accuse each other.
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