A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey there. So I met this girl at a New Years Eve party. We hit it off and started texting all day every day and some calls here and there. The thing is she had a boyfriend of a year whenever we met. A week after our initial meeting she broke it off with him and told me it was because she was thinking about me 24/7 and was already thinking about leaving him anyway. The beginning of February things started changing, she got pretty distant and was very short in texts. When we talked on the phone it was like nothing was wrong but it was very rare and she wouldn’t want to talk sometimes. When we hung out she was laughing at everything and touchy. To be clear we never said we were an item and never really went on dates but the day before Valentines she told me she was getting back with her boyfriend and it was heartbreaking. I had developed some feelings for her by this point but felt like I didn’t express them enough for her so that’s why she went back. I know I should’ve expected it to happen but was still surprised.I tried to back off but she still texts me at least once a day and I feel like an ass if I just ignore them, but it hurts knowing she’s with another person. I just need some advice on what to do, just so scatterbrained at this point. I feel like I was just a rebound till she decided if she still wanted her bf.
View related questions:
text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2021): You're pushing 40. That's mature enough to have some control over your behavior and impulses. She played you on the rebound with every intention of getting her boyfriend back. She used you as an emotional band aid; and you were her rebound fill-in, until she and her boyfriend worked things out.
Come on, you've only known this woman a couple of months. You've hardly spent any real-time together; and conducting a romance virtually over devices is hardly a serious adult-romance.
There is nothing official or that established going on here; and continuance of contact is cheating on her boyfriend. He will eventually have to remind you that she is still taken; even if he has to "physically" convince you. She has played you, and you're old enough and man enough to move on.
At this point, it has nothing to do with real emotional-attachment. At best, it's sexual-tension and a sense of entitlement. You've got to have her; but you know good and well she's some other guy's woman. Man-up, dude! This adolescent reaction here is unbecoming of your manhood.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2021): Hey thank you both for taking the time and having an in-depth response. It kinda helps to see it in writing it’s almost like I needed this to justify my decision. Gonna try my best to just cut it off but easier said than done.
...............................
A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (22 February 2021):
 I think that you need to cut her loose OP, and delete her, and block her for future contact.
She is all over the place, she still had attachments to her ex that she was not fully over, so she was effectively on the rebound.
She should never have pursued another relationship until she was over the last one. She has used you, and lead you down the garden path. Like Honeypie said, i think you dodged a bullet here OP.
I think things are going to be on and off with this current boyfriend, the last thing you want is every time they split up she starts building your hopes up again, then lets you down when they get back together again. Don't give her the satisfaction of being the one she can pick up and put down.
I know it's hard OP, because you were developing feelings for her. But its better you found this out now, rather than further down the line.
Your worth more than this, and you know in your heart of hearts that you can do better.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 February 2021):
 Cut her off. Block her. Lick your wounds and move on.
That is really all there is to it.
If she can be so fickle with her BF... why wouldn't she be with you? (and well, the kicker is, SHE was).
I think you dodged a bullet OP. I know that might not FEEL good to hear but I think you will come to that realization down the line on your own. If you really think about it.
OP, I think it was PRUDENT of you to not express yourself and your feelings SO soon in. Think about it. You have BARELY known her 2 months and in that time she has met you, sort of fallen for you, dumped her BF and then sort of dumped you and gone BACK to the BF. IN the span of ONLY 2 months!!
LEARN from this.
NEVER EVER pursue anything with someone who has a partner. Even if their relationship "supposedly suck" because ALL you CAN be is either an affair partner OR a rebound. Same with NEVER EVER date someone RIGHT out of a relationship. They NEED to work though the break up and getting back on their feet before they are really ready.
She was a mistake, OP.
LEARN from this.
And for your own sanity and peace of mind, BLOCK her. She made her choice and it wasn't YOU. So SHE doesn't get to have access to YOU anymore. Nope. CUT her off. Cut her lose.
You can do better for yourself.
...............................
|
