A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been dating for six months now and well. Things are starting to get a bit shakey. We mutually decided that we were going to still date, even though we both are going to different colleges. But the thing about me is - I've been going to work, going to school, going to work, going to school and I've practically mentally exhausted myself. He just started school last week, doesn't work, and this weekend he has been going out with friends until 3 or 4 in the morning and we talk for five minutes before he passes out. I understand that he wants to go out and have fun with friends. I don't expect him to be home, waiting for me, every minute of his life. My issue is that I suddenly feel like I depend on him and I need him. Sure, I like him - but I know that's not right to need this boy. But I feel like it, and I think it's very unhealthy and starting to show in our relationship. Because of his lack of effort to spend time with me, even with the burden of the distance already at play, makes me feel less important to him and other mean things. I had a mental breakdown the night before last because I am so very exhausted and with that, I just thought about everything bad. I work at a place that I receive no break, and I am constantly running back and forth. I go to school from 6 AM to 2 PM. I tried to talk to him, to feel better, but he ended up falling asleep - which is excusable. It was 4 AM because he just came home. But it kind of was insulting to me, in this way. So basically I have this scenario where I have this reason to be mad, but at the same time I can't be. He told me we could talk about it tomorrow night - but he knew I worked from 12 PM to 9 PM. And as soon as I got home, he was already out with friends and this time didn't get home until 3 AM. I trust my boyfriend, so I am positive he isn't out cheating. So don't get the wrong mindset. He IS out with his guy friends.I basically decided last night, however, that I was just going to just forget about the anger because I was only upset the night before because I have worked myself to the bone and he didn't do something MY way, so it upset me. Which, I never actually said anything to make him think I was mad at him last night, and told him to have fun with his friends and try not to text too much because it takes away from them.But, God. I feel like I NEED this boy and that I depend on him for my happiness. I don't know where it came from. This relationship suddenly is doing a 360 and becoming unhealthy fast. And it was my doing. I want to fix it, because I really feel compatible with this boy and he is kind to me. When we are physically together, the distance is so worth it. I just am losing grip on him and I need to learn how to cope because I am not yet used to being around him only every now and then.I know I sound like a nutcase. I need an outside view on this. I need advice on coping with the distance and he and I not actually talking sometimes. We do text a lot, during the day and such. But, I'd.. prefer the phone or webcam. Any suggestions?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwe should mend each others hearts.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2009): This is weird because I feel the EXACT same way. I'm mentally exhausted from school and not getting the verbal affection and attention I need from my long distance boyfriend, and I feel like I'm turning needy and vulnerable into that girlfriend I've never wanted to be. Even though we talk on the phone for a long amount of time, it's just empty, and makes me feel worse about our relationship after hanging up. But when he's here with me it's absolutely fantastic, and I don't worry about our relationship at all. He's just not understanding what I need from him when I don't see him. I'm sorry I can't help you. Just wanted to let you know that you're not alone.
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