A
female
age
36-40,
*onfuzzled_in_cville
writes:I feel like I shouldnt have to be running my relationship. He never initiates anything, even going out or sex. our 5 year anniversary is coming up and i want him to put in some effort and so something special. yeah i could contribute seeing as this is our day but he forgot my birthday and xmas last year, so i feel like i deserve to be treated special on this one day of the year since its not every day. Lately he hangs out with friends, street races and goes out of state to hang out and only comes home to sleep and go to work. whenever i see him he's on his way somewhere or playing video games. he says he's forgetful with everything but he seems to remember what things he wants done to his car or his friends instead of me. before i make myself mad and assume he'll forget our anniversary should i try to help him out or sit back and wait?
View related questions:
anniversary, video games Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (8 September 2008):
 Hi, have you discussed your relationship with him recently? It sounds like you two have reached an equilibrium that he's content with, but you're obviously not. I think you need to let him know that you're hoping for a special celebration on your 5 year anniversary, and as he's forgotten some previous dates that are important to you, that he needs to pay special care to this one. I don't think you're going to do yourself or him any favors by expecting him to magically 'get' it. He needs to understand that this has been bothering you and you would like him to acknowledge it and make an effort for the two of you.
In his defense, you've been doing all the work, and unless you've expressed your unhappiness about this to him, he's probably assuming everything is going fine. It's the hidden resentments that are coming out now, and you might as well get them out and clear the air now. You can do this in a loving way, by having a calm and supportive discussion with him. If you tackle this in an argumentative way, he's going to get defensive and avoid the whole issue, I expect.
The thing about changing the status quo, which is what you'd like to do, is that it's only fair to let him know what is about to happen. If you blindside him, you'll be unhappy and he'll be confused.
It sounds like you two have been together a long time; perhaps you're growing apart? He does sound rather passive with regards to your relationship. Either he's perfectly happy with the way things are or is waiting for you to break up with him? He doesn't sound like an initiator, frankly, and it wouldn't surprise me if he were avoiding you and hoping that you'll again seize the reins and decide on the course of the relationship. He may be hoping that it will dwindle away on its own and he won't have to face any fireworks.
So, it's time for a good discussion with him about what you'd like to see from him with regard to this special day. If he doesn't come through for you after you've made it clear how important it is to you, then you'll know where you stand with him.
Good luck!
|
