A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I turned 16 in august last year and started a weekly (2 hour) drama group, I'm in the 13-16 year olds class and there's a guy in the 17-20 year olds class (he turns 18 in a few months). I only see him in the lunch break (40 minutes) and we normally spend that time together just chatting and I would consider him a friend, if it weren't for the fact that he only seems to be that friend when we are at the drama group. It's like this girl's question: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/if-hes-the-one-closed-to-new-friendships.html because I feel the same. I feel like there could be a good friendship [after all the failed friendships - backstabbers etc - that we've both had] that we need, but he doesn't seem to be able to take that "friend" step. I get emotional about it because, like that girl, I feel like he's the closest thing I've had to a good friend, but when we aren't together, it's like I don't exist because he only really makes the effort for his close 'friends', who he admits that he doesn't trust because they've not been good friends, but he 'doesn't have anyone else', which he'd realise he could if he gave our friendship a chance. I would ask what's going on, but he doesn't express himself; he keeps it all bottled up [he was beaten up a lot by 'friends' at school] and he hides how he feels. He'd shrug it off because that way, he stays emotionally detached. I don't want to give up either, but I don't know how to deal with it, or the times I cry because I feel like a great person who I have a good connection with [as a friend!!] that I've never had before and I feel like it's slipping away because when I leave the drama group just before the summer holidays, he won't bother keeping in touch if he's still keeping me 'at arms length' emotionally at that time. I have to leave the drama group because it will clash with other stuff my siblings are doing and I can't get a lift, nor can we really continue affording it. I know it sounds lame and stupid, but I can't help it. I don't know what to do to handle it all... Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2012): I understand how you feel and feel myself that way at times with my friend. It's frustrating, but from what I have learnt from my friend who it has taken me a long time to break through the walls with, it comes down to fear. He has come to believe that everyone is going to treat him bad, so in order to prevent from becoming hurt and disappointed he has closed himself off, he doesn't let people get close because if they do they might hurt him and he isn;t sure he can handle it anymore. He always expects the worse because that is what he has always gotten from family and friends he has had. I have come a long way with my friend, he still keeps a lot in, but he has realised that I am here for him, it took a long time, but I hung in there, just like my best friend did with me when I felt that way. Sometimes I handle it ok, and sometimes I don't because it is hard, but in the end it can be worth it. I actually have him now making contact with me first which is something he rarely does with anyone. Good Luck sweetie.
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