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female
,
anonymous
writes: Is he just too afraid to break up with me? I have been with my man for 4 years we have two kids togather and one from a previous relationship of mine. I feel really neglected and have spoken to him about this on numerous occasions over the past two years.He keeps telling me nothing is wrong and nothing has changed but I don't think I feel weird for no reason. I feel like he's just bored with me. I don't think he's attracted to me anymore and our sex life has gone down the drain. We haven't had sex in a couple weeks and if I don't take it I won't get it. He comes home everyday after work but I don't think he wants to. I am tired of complaining about it and nothing changes it only makes me feel like I am a nag and I am making him more annoyed with me. Do you think he's only with me out of habit now and what should I do? Leave him? or keep trying to win him back? Hellllp
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female
reader, Toria +, writes (22 September 2006):
 All this worrying trying to work out whats wrong is only stressing both you and your partner, the more you drive yourself and your partner about this issue the more of a problem you are going to get, every relationship hits a point where it feels and seems like your both in a rut and that its just a habit when thats not necessarily the case, you can sit back try to just enjoy the relationship and hope it improves or you can try subtly trying to spice things up, try going out once a month, putting sometime aside to spend together and take it from there but take the pressure off yourself and your partner as that'll only make it worse.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2006): Why not just stop trying? Sometimes relationships get in ruts, and it's easy to get stuck in a destructive pattern. Maybe all your "trying to win him back" feels to him like pressure. Guys are weird.
My advice would be to force yourself to find some inner calm. You've been with him for 4 years, and it sounds like this problem has been a while in the making. It will take a while to resolve. Accept that, now.
Then, once you've accepted that, resolve not to worry about it anymore. Give yourself some space to breathe and not to think about the "status" and whether he's interested. And in that time, give him the same space. For at least 2 or 3 weeks, let yourself just drop your expectations. So often our expectations are our downfall.
After a few weeks with no expectations, no fights picked and real resolve not to nag him or expect anything of him, tell him you want to set up a date. Don't expect it to be a huge deal -- there's no magic wand that will take things back to where they were. Just get out of the house, do something different. Then mention to him that you're still feeling weird and you'd like to talk about it. But do this calmly, and make it clear that there's no pressure on him. And if he says there's really nothing different, then ask him whether he thinks he'd be open to trying out some things with you to see if you can start to feel a little better.
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