A
female
age
,
*rndout
writes:my husband cheated for five years with a person at work. I was suspicious of their friendship bet he said "only friends." They took trips together and he would call from cell to tell me that he loved me. Someone sent me a letter telling me all of this and asking "Who is the bigger fool, you or *****"? When I found out he said it was over and had been for one year-doubt that, anyway I said we could try but he needed to never contact her again, he could not have a secret at work life that I was excluded from, especially happy hour, unless he called or I was there, don't lie or omit things that he knew would bother me. and to do what he said he was going to do.well. nine months after I went with him to his brothers funeral he went to her house his reasons varied from, because it was close to the freeway exit to he was out of his mind with grief. Then I called his work and they thought I washer , come to find out they had been talking on the phone? Who knows? After that i found out he had been going to happy haur for the last year and I never knew anything about it except for one time, and i was really hopeful when he called that one time. His excuses were,it wasn't happy hour, it was having beers in a restaurant, the 2 girls there didn't count because they were married, it didn't occur to him to call, I was to far away to get there anyway, It was spur of the moment and he had no way to call, blah, blah, blah. He also lies or omits things that he thinks are not important because"he knows his intentions and he is not cheating." I tried to explain that its bigger than that and then he starts pointing at me usually with I'm negative and I don't say positive things about him? I am tired of it, he still wants to try, says he wont lie anymore. I feel like an idiot for letting it go this long .?????
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female
reader, brndout +, writes (13 February 2010):
brndout is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for taking the time to read my rambling note. I know what you all say is true and it breaks my heart for some odd reason. You would think I would be "hardened to that by now. Yes, my age is correct and I am embarassed about that as well. I know most think I am a fool and I would have to agree, but he will come in here soon and tell me again that he misunderstood my requests,he would nener do anything like cheat again. Its more than cheating to me, I don't want my life "edited" by him. He decides what to tell me. Anyway, he will say he won't do that anymore. For some reason, I alyays give him one more chance. Thanks again and feel free to say what you feel, I'm actually not a wimp in any other area of my life.
A
female
reader, brndout +, writes (13 February 2010):
brndout is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for taking the time to read my rambling note. I know what you all say is true and it breaks my heart for some odd reason. You would think I would be "hardened to that by now. Yes, my age is correct and I am embarassed about that as well. I know most think I am a fool and I would have to agree, but he will come in here soon and tell me again that he misunderstood my requests,he would nener do anything like cheat again. Its more than cheating to me, I don't want my life "edited" by him. He decides what to tell me. Anyway, he will say he won't do that anymore. For some reason, I alyays give him one more chance. Thanks again and feel free to say what you feel, I'm actually not a wimp in any other area of my life.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2010): Its easy sometimes to turn a blind eye to things when we are comfy and over the first flush of love. As in your case, i hazard a guess. Most could not tolerate being with someone that had cheated and lied to them for so amny years. But you managed to agree a new set of rules with him, rules which havent worked, unfortunately. I dont know if the age on your post is correct but if it is, may i respectfully suggest that you deal with this problem now. Dont sweep it under the carpet because he makes another set of rules with you. He is a cheat and a liar. He doesnt love you as he should. And if someone comes along thats available to him, he will cheat again. You sound as if you are a goiod wife, certainly a forgiving, patient one! You deserve so much better, even if its only the freedom to be your own woman. Discard this cheater. Look into the possibility of leaving him now, before he eventually does it to you x
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A
female
reader, Brooklyngirl +, writes (13 February 2010):
 I have to agree with DearKelja. He has proved himself in a negative way for all these years. Do you sincerely think he is going to change?
I know what it is like to hope and pray that your husband will change...but never does! The best thing I ever did was walk away from that insane relationship after 16 years!
It's not easy but it's so rewarding in the long run!
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A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (13 February 2010):
 The fact that you have such a tight leash on him is saying alot. You don't trust him. With good reason, yes.
I think he won't learn. Ask yourself, how can a man lie to you for so long without it bothering him? Does he have no guilt or remorse?
I am a big proponent of working things out but in this case, I think a pattern has been established and you have to show him you mean business. And you have to stick up for yourself.
Move on.
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