A
male
age
30-35,
*ickey2492
writes:Dear cupid,In summer of 2009 i met the girl i believed would be my future wife.i had just gotten out of a 1 year long distance relationship and for some reason when i met this girl, all of the remaining feelings for my ex had vanished. Conversation was exchanged and everything seemed so flawless. For the first time in ages i could say that I was happy and...falling for her. We eventually ended up becoming bf and gf and for the beginning, things were as perfect as can be, than...things started gradually shifting down and eventually are now at the lowest i believe they can be. We started arguing over little things, i became a little controlling/jealous of several things like other guys and who she spent time with( and i realize im at fault for this) but after awhile she kind of stopped spending time with me and i dont get it.i tried so hard every week to get her to hang out with me but for some reason she was always just to busy doing something else. Part oft he reason i blame our status is because she never made time for us as a couple. At one time she didnt spend time with me for 2 months straight :'(. To make things worse she was recently in a 3 year relationship and it feels like ill never be at the level he was at with her. Im also the very affectionate type and i like to get her nice things and make her cute stuff and sing to her etc.... But her, shes not so much on that side, she couldnt even post up a picture of us on her facebook because she told me she doesnt like pictures of "affection", when really i was just neck and neck with her smiling. The upsetting part is she has pics of her and her ex in ridiculously affectionate pictures that fall nowhere near us, and it upsets me and makes me sad. I can honestly say i fell in love with her, and i know as a guy your not generally supposed to cry in front of her but ive lost it so many times in front of her. To put things simple im sensitive and shes not.shes tough skinned and whenever we argue she counters everything i say.i honestly feel like the girl most of the time and i dont know what to do.weve been on and off and recently she asked me back out and i was so happy because i wanted to show her we could work together, but 2 days later she broke up with me, and today i cried in front of her begging for her to be with me and she said "no, not right now, your just gonna control and suffocate me again".i know i have those habits but isnt that what couples work on together. Please help. It hurts to talk to her just as much as it does to not talk to her.idk how to deal with this and its killing me inside.i feel like a fool because i keep trying and when i do she doesnt try at all. :'( i dont wanna cry anymore.
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male
reader, Mickey2492 +, writes (25 February 2010):
Mickey2492 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFrom a girls perspective is ignoring her gonna help.i know im an idiot but i still love her and idk...isnt that kinda like revenge?i appreciate your insight and to be honest i actually tried it a couple months back...and for some odd reason she kind of tried to get closer again and questioned me wherever i went and who i was with and shed say things like "well it doesnt matter ur already over me so have fun :)" and than 5 minutes later id get an "...i love you" from her.shes so confusing.does she love me or jus want to keep me from others.or something else?
A
female
reader, HelpWithEx1022 +, writes (24 February 2010):
Hmm, it seems as though she may be rebounding and you also were rebounding. You were in a relationship for 1 year and sometimes if may "feel" like you've met the person of your dreams after that but in reality it is highly not the case because you still have feelings for your ex believe it or not whether it seems as though they have vanished or not your mind is tricky and sometimes it tricks you into thinking omg i found someone totally new that i am totally in love with. Think about it maybe the same problems your having with this girl could be some of the ones you had in your previous relationship? And the way she is saying your just gonna control and suffocate me you might actually be guilty of that because often times in a rebound you become controlling because you just want the relationship to work out because the other one didn't. But she shouldnt be pining everything on you shes the one who didnt hang out with you for 2 months. From a girls perspective she is prob talking to her ex while your left not talking to your ex because you think you've fallen for someone else. And it seems as though she isnt being "affectionate" because she knows its wrong to be real intimate when she is still talking to her ex. There is no reason why you should be at fault for questioning why she was hanging out with other guy.It seems very much so that you looked over her flaws in the beginning and maybe didnt see them or her as clearly as you should and thought she was perfect now things have slowly progressed and you see that she is not and she probably never was from the beginning you just were eagered to get out their and have another relationship. Heres a real hint: relationships back to back never work out you need to take sometime to deal with things and better yourself and maybe look at where you went wrong in both of these relationships. Dont let it get you down you can do better than this girl who is taking advantage of how nice you are are buying her stuff she probably loves that.You need to let go off this and take another look at it, is she how she was in the beginning? The answer is probably know this should state to you that you were looking at her and the relationship with her through rose-colored glasses it happens to a lot of people.THE BEST thing you can do is to ignore her for a month it will be really hard but i mean no communication what so ever dont look at her facebook or anything else dont call dont text NOTHING. if she contacts you say you are busy and will contact her later but the trick is DONT contact her later. This will drive her crazy she will think you have moved on. THE FIRST thing you need to do those is give her a text/call and say you know what i agree with the break up its the best thing keep it short and then say you have some things you gotta do so you cant talk long. After that DONT TALK TO HER AT ALL. what you want is for her to come after you and she will if you keep ignoring her. Eventually she might beg to get back with you BUT you shouldnt take her back this girl needs to get a dose of her medicine so when she wants to get back with you just say no you dont think its a good idea sorry. And maintain minimum contact if any at all. You want to appear like its not affecting you dont tell her your upset when you talk to her sound happy and say you gotta go. After that move on go on dates, they DONT have to be perfect it will just get your mind of things go out with friends you will feel a whole lot better. You dont need this girl and the way to get her thinking is to actually appear to NOT need her..make sense?Goodluck!
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