A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Well, where do I start? I believe the best way to describe my situation is that there are too many gears working against me in this system in order for this relationship to work, however I feel as though I lost something that was incredibly special. Short story - We meet in college when I was a freshman and she was a sophomore. We dated throughout college and she moved away to go to law school. I tried getting a job in her city, however due to the economy, it was futile. I lived in our college city for 2.5 years, however visited her twice a month over this time. We talked on the phone every night for about an hour, shared emails, text messages, etc. We went on vacations together, and we both knew each others families very well (even one month before this happened we went on a vacation together). SO, I finally was able to get a transfer from my job to her city, and 2 months before we move in together, on the phone she first says she feels trapped, and later when we meet in person, she says that she is not in love with me anymore.Gear one - Our relationship started when we were 19 years old. Although many would say this is an ok age to start a relationship, I can say that there is a lot of both emotional and mental growth between 19 and 24. I just did not know how to handle situations as well as I do now. And at the end of the day we are human, and humans make mistakes.Gear two - For both of us this is our first real relationship. I can say as a fact that I did not know how to be in a relationship. I was too sensitive, always trying to impress her with romance, but looking back, I can see how it could have been "too much". Small things for her as well, however I feel as though I created more of a problem with this.Gear three - Long distance for 2.5 years. There was such an emotional void generated between us over this time, that when we would see each other, it is like seeing a different person than the one I talked to on the phone. It took a couple hours to in essence "re-learn" her and associate her voice with her personality. This created problems for me because I felt that I was not my true self when I saw her. It was like I was not with my girlfriend, but a friend, so less love in conversations (although I love her more than anything).Gear four - Frame of reference. We have no experience with anything else in regards to relationships. I know that there is an incredible amount of people out there, and that there is a lot to experience, but it is tough to want to go out and see it when you still have feelings for your first.Gear five - Her mom did not want us to move in together. Plain and simple. I have no idea what conversations took place over the holidays, but I can only assume with 2 months on the clock before the big move, something was said. Also, her mom is in a situation where she is also trapped, and I was told this was explained to her on more than one occasion.Gear six - Me. Being that this was my first real relationship, I was young, and the distance, this created a lot of problems for me. I was too sensitive, protective, and sometimes an ass because I did not look at the relationship objectively to see what I was doing wrong.(ass = getting upset at small things, never yelling, never fights, just frustrated with her). It also did not help that I was naive, and always thought it was going to be there. Especially when I am moving to be with you in 2 months. Side note - We went apartment hunting, looked at furniture, and she took pots and pans back with her when she came to visit couple months before this happened.That being said, I have learned an incredible amount from this situation, and I am an incredibly larger person because this happened to me. However it still pains me because I really wanted to make this work. Statistically however, 19 to 90 with 0 doubts would be a huge feat, and that seed of doubt would have been too great as we got older.I just wanted her to give me 2 months to prove that I am a great guy for her. And I have to live with the fact that this wont happen. I feel as though I needed to go through this once, in order to fully understand life, however, I truly want her to see who I am today.Am I nuts or does this make sense?
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2010): This makes perfect sense.
It'll take awhile to move on. She was your first great love. I can understand that. I would try getting together as friends, try hard to show her the person you truly are today.
I'm so sorry. Good luck!
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