A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Sorry this is long! I have been with my BF for 3 years. He makes me feel so special and treats me so well. Everyone says they can see how much we love each other. That's why I'm confused..After a year he was acting a bit dodgy when getting txts. I asked who he was texting and could tell he was lying. I feel bad but I looked at his phone bill and he'd been speaking to his ex about 3 days a week for 2 months. I confronted him and he went mad I checked up on him. After his initial reaction he was really upset he’d hurt me and explained that he wanted to stay in touch with her but thought I wouldn’t like that. I understood that and he said he wouldn’t keep things from me again but they ended up loosing touch a few weeks after that anyways. (I know because I looked at his phone bill a few random times :( ) About a year after that we were going through a bit of a rough patch (we live 2 hours away and hadn’t been seeing each other as much for various reasons). I don’t know why but I looked at his emails. He had written to her “would you wana be with me” and she replied “but I thought u had a GF” and he hadn’t replied. He went mad I’d checked up on him again and after a long silence he said he felt lonely and was seeing if anyone else would want him… By now I am devastated he was that I was hurt and how he was crying his eyes out for hours I believed him.. After looking at his phone bill again :( I saw they hadn’t spoke for months before and didn’t speak after that..Then a few months ago I found his ex’s website. Curious as to what she was like I looked at it for a few weeks, until there was a blog about how she’d met up with my BF the night before and how perfect he was and how she wanted him back but “the only problem is he has a GF” but we’re “not happy at all”. She was saying how she could tell he liked her etc :( I confronted him again, and he said he was going to tell me he met her (it was the night before) when he saw me (???). He said he mentioned to her that we'd fallen out that day (I guess that's why he wasnt bothered about me not wanting him seeing her) but he didn’t say we weren’t happy and he’d given her no reason to think he liked her. I kinda believed him but with the lying about the texting and random email on top of it I broke up with him :(I missed him like mad and kept thinking about how much fun we have. He sounded awful when I spoke to him and all his were friends telling me how devastated he was and they didn’t see it coming at all. We were both gutted so decided to meet up after 3 weeks, have a big chat and we got back together :)I haven’t checked up on him since but I have a real urge to. I know I’m in the wrong for doing that :( The few friends I told said its obvious he loves me and I can tell by the way he holds my hand, drives to see me and is always there for me how much he does. When we broke up it devastated him more than me! I just don’t understand the email or why his ex was saying all that. Am I being a mug? Will he hurt me again? Or am I the more in the wrong for checking up on him? Because I do this is it why he doesn’t tell me things/am I pushing him away?Thank you for reading this!! Sorry it’s long x
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2007): Hi,I have read your story and as a total independant Im going to tell you what you dont want to hear.Its what you already know inside but you are denying it to yourself and that is "your boyfriend doesnt love you" he needs you.Its not the same thing at all. He is using you to fill a gap left by his ex but he is looking for something better which is sad really because you are already too good for him. You should go with you gutt feeling find someone who really loves you and you will never have to check their telephone because every relationship is built on trust and open honesty. NOW ! its not all his fault, I hate telling lies to a girl but when I know she is going to give me grief because of her insecurities it is easier sometimes not to tell the whole truth than have to explain yourself. My best friend is a girl I have known for years and on occasion I have had to tell previous girl friends that Im headin out with the lads just to meet up with her for a coffee. Usually though I feel that guilty about the lie I end the relationship with my girl friend because its not worth the hassle.I hope this all makes sense.In summary.
Your relationship is doomed because you dont trust him even if he is inocent so you will hound him.Its his fault because he isnt in to you as much as you are into him.
Goodluck X
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