A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I (27F) have been having a crush on a colleague at work (46M). We hang out together and have lunch/dinner together. Since he is moving out of state, I wanted to confess my feelings for him before he left, and I knew it would not lead to a serious relationship.On his last 2 days in the city, we had drinks at his place. I told him that I liked him, he said he liked me too and then he leaned in for the kiss. We made out that night and got very intimate, just stopped short of intercourse. On the night of his moving out of state, I offered to have sex with him since I really like him and the previous night meant so much to me. He rejected me, said we are just friends and he enjoyed hanging out with me, but that he can't have sex with me knowing that he is moving out of state, we would not be seeing each other any longer and he does not want a relationship. He said he did not want to disrespect me, but I am the one offering myself to him so I do not know how I can be disrespected.I felt that he led me on and then rejected me and it hurts! If he really didn't want anything to do with me, he shouldn't have kissed and made out with me the first night and got my hopes up. if he really liked me like he said he did, he should've had sex with me. I told him I was not expecting a relationship and I know he is moving - but I think he is afraid of my feelings.
View related questions:
at work, crush Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2019): There are a ton of possible reasons why he didn't have sex with you. Maybe he's worried about STDs.Maybe you spooked him after the 1st night and he thoughtyou were a psycho.Maybe he was worried about the BC failing and him being a LD dad?Maybe he had sex earlier that day and couldn't a 2nd time?Maybe he has a personal policy of only having sex after X months of dating?BTW it doesn't sound to me like he led you on.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2019): "He should've had sex with me"!! - OP Can you imagine a man saying that about a woman he'd just kissed?? Everyone would be shocked and horrified.
No-one (woman OR man) owes anyone sex until they feel it's right for them. He kissed you & yes maybe led you on a bit. It happens - he'll be gone soon and you needn't worry about it anymore.
Time to move on!
...............................
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (11 July 2019):
He only owed you sex if you paid in advance and in that case he could refund your money
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2019): "if he really liked me like he said he did, he should've had sex with me."
Really? Re-read that statement. Someone is allowed to like you and not have sex with you. He's a human being and entitled to his feelings. You sound so much like an entitled man that I'm actually surprised you're female. No one owes you sex.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2019): As a thought experiment, imagine a guy saying about a woman 'if she didn't want to have sex with me, she shouldn't have kissed me'. Sounds pretty entitled huh?
As Honeypie said he didn't owe you anything because he kissed you. There's literally no such thing as leading someone on. You do stuff with someone until you don't want to anymore, you don't need to give someone advanced warning that your boundaries are approaching.
Rejection hurts. There's no blame. There's nothing to be done about it. We are all different with our own boundaries--there's no checking out first whether you'll be rejected, because asking and finding out is a form of rejection! It's between the two of you and like it or not the vulnerability is a form of intimate moment and can give you an insight into the real character of a person- Rejecter and rejected. It sucks-feel better soon!
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 July 2019):
 I don't think he led you on OP, he just have another SET of values than you,
For him, sex isn't something you just do... because why not. I think he feels sex should MEAN someone. And I think he also rejected your offer because he didn't feel having sex with you was OK as he was moving out of state. He would feel like he USED you. Maybe he also knows FROM experience that sex is rarely JUST sex. OR he didn't WANT sex with you. He might like you as a person nut not be INTO you. And if you were talking about feelings for him, he was smart enough to know that you weren't REALLY offering casual sex, you were offering sex with your "heart" on your sleeve.
And no, OP kissing you doesn't equate to liking you or OWING you sex.
I agree that he shouldn't have kissed you at all. And you shouldn't have confessed your feelings either. What did you expect would happen? The guy is moving away! He isn't some walking dildo that should sexually service you because YOU like him and wanted him.
Maybe a "goodbye romp" was something YOU thought was a good idea, HE didn't. Some people are NOT into sex just to have sex. IT means more than that.
...............................
|
