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female
,
anonymous
writes: My husband and I have been together for 5 years total. I enjoy our "love life" but I have never had an orgasm. Ever. We have talked about it, tried many, many new things but have still had little luck. I feel that I sometimes come close to climax, but I either suddenly lose interest or it becomes so uncomfortable I ask him to stop.I can't see foreplay being an issue, he usually "puts me first."There is no history of physical or emotional violence; I feel compleatly safe, secure and loved with him. Any ideas?
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female
reader, beentheredonethat +, writes (5 March 2006):
 First of all it sounds like you have a great relationship and you are very lucky. Men rarely have to Learn how to have an orgasm...but most women do. It is your job to figure out how. (not because you have done anything wrong in any way...its just your the only one who can tell if your responding to this or that)
Do NOT think you are all alone...this is very normal. Be sure He knows it is NOT him being a lousy lover...men's egos are terribly fragile.
Now I agree with the vibrator 100%. But buy a good one, not one of those cheap little battery opperated things. (they tend to fail at important moments) There is one called an Erossilator that is pretty fool proof but there are many that will get the job done.
There should be several attachments what ever you choose.
Now you say you are comfortable with hubby so I recomend that you allow him to be involved...it would be a shame for him to miss your first orgasm should it occur.
Now forget about haveing an orgasm and instead rate each section of your body on a scale of 1 to 50 and make him make a map of it. touch each section..spot etc with the vibrator and rate the sensation. Now all the sections that rate above 45 should be focused on.
Your clit and breasts perhaps your ears...its your map. Take each of these areas and devote at least 10 minutes to exploring the sensation of the vibrator...do not try to have an orgasm...this will put pressure on you and make it go away.
Let your mind wonder...close your eyes and focus only on the sensation...now if something feels exceptional....continue...but if nothing happens move on.
(at this time, there are no dishes, tv shows, bills, telephones etc...just you and this sensation...nothing else)
repeat this experiment useing each attachment...if nothing happens...that was fine...but did you learn anything about what feels exceptional as opposed to only so-so?
Do not feel you are cheating on him if you use fantasy...rent a lovely porn movie (they have really nice romantic ones...not just grunting and crotch shots) and watch it together. If you see something exciting act it out or use your vibrator while watching.
If things still don't fly in front of him after say 25 trys...you may have to just privately try things...then show him your new skill.
Be sure to see a doctor if there is absolutely nothing...it could have something to do with a physical condition....but that is very rare and should be a last effort.
experiment with your environment as well...smell, taste, lighting, music all have an effect on our brains.
Good luck and I hope this helps.
A
female
reader, emma1 +, writes (4 March 2006):
it is a well known fact that not many woman can achieve an orgasm through penerative sex so often enjoy clitoral stimulation either during sex or foreplay or mabes in private.why not have a word with your man about investing in a vibrator,if hes not intimidated at the thought then its worth a try.it should help you achieve an orgasm.enjoy! xx
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