A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:When will things improve?Hi, i wrote a question a couple of weeks ago regarding the breakdown of my marriage, and how my husband of 7 years told me he does not love me enough to have a family with me even though we had discussed and agreed to starting trying at the end of the year. He also said alot of hurtful things about my character, family and the way I live my life. I was devastated, i had noticed he had been quiet for a few weeks and kept asking what was wrong but he said nothing was wrong every time until he blew up 8 weeks ago.We agreed to spend some time apart (for him to work out what he wanted as he was so confused), during which time he has hardly contacted me other than to lay blame and pull me apart for my shortcomings, he has also seemed to go on with his life while i have been in despair. We were going to try marriage guidance but (he) has since decided that matters cant be solved, especially as he doesnt know whether he will ever change his mind about having family. I am in such a state of despair, I feel like Im the only one who wanted to try and save our marriage, i have never felt so hurt,lonely and cheated. I am now having to face selling our home and starting again. Would be thankful for any words of wisdom thats things will get better for me. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Jadzia1127  +, writes (22 September 2006):
 A marriage can't work if both people aren't willing to work together. You need to talk to a lawyer ASAP.
Some hints for you to deal with the death of your marriage:
1. Consciously work with your emotions. Face up to your emotions; vent anger and sadness through talking, writing, rituals or physical activities.
2. Put your own needs first. Periodically set aside responsibilities with cooking, cleaning, whatever, to do the things that really please you and make you feel peaceful.
3. Recruit all the help you can. Reach out to positive single women--a job counselor, a financial adviser and, if you've been blue (feels like your sinking), a therapist.
4. Create a home that provides stability and sustenance. Your living arrangements should help you feel safe, stable and connected to a community.
5. Actively plan your future. Divorce gives you an opportunity to look at what your core values are and see if you can apply them to the working world. What do you care about? Can you accomplish your goals before you die? Figure out what kind of person you always wanted to be and make a plan to become her.
You can choose to be a victim of divorce or one of the many happy, fulfilled survivors. Often a life comes about that's much more satisfying and complete than the one that existed before a divorce.
My heart goes out to you during this difficult time of yours. I wish you all the joy in life, and all the strength you need.
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