A
female
age
36-40,
*blost
writes:Hi, I am (28) married for about 10years now my husband is 32. I can't help but feel like there is something wrong with me. He is the only man I had ever been with. He taught me how to give blow jobs, and even got me got me to me to try anal. And I have really grown to enjoy it. I enjoy his every touch. I crave it. He used to want me all the time. Now I can't even get a hug. When or if we have sex he just puts his dick in my face. I suck him in till he is hard then he turns me over, he gets off and that's it. I get nothing. EVER. I have sent him letters in his lunch box telling him how much I just want him in anyway. Or what I want him to do to me in details.I still got nothing. I sent him some naked pics of me and I got a nice and a thumbs up. Literally like what you see on Facebook. I have had a 3sum with him and my ex girlfriend. That was my choice tho, and that has never been an issue. We do have 3 kids and he works I don't. He works from 3pm to 3am. His hours suck,but I have and will do whatever he asks I just do. I get him ice water if he needs it etc. I don't ask for much. All I want is for him to show some interest in me anything. We have been tho so much in our lives it's a wander anyone made it out. I don't know if have something wrong with me or not. He gets mad when I try to touch him and won't talk to me. I don't think I let myself go but I have always been hard on myself. I am tall and am not over weight. He is over weight. So I guess if I can get some type of info, on anything that would be helpful. I'm feeling like a broken woman. Useless and replaceable. Any ideas?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2016): I am the anon poster from before, just a follow up to yours. Please know that you cannot change others, only yourself. When you say that child care is too expensive, and you have no friends, and that you think porn is the problem, it sounds like you are trying to blame outside sources for your feelings. It might feel nice to do this in the short term, but none of these are going to fix your problem. What you will need to do to change your situation is take responsibility for your decisions up until now that caused you to be in this isolated situation. Not saying you did anything wrong, but what can YOU change in yourself to make more friends, and to be a more interesting person all around so your husband can respect you more? Pick one or two small things that you can do, and go from there. Again, do something different than you are doing now. Make a new friend. Join a group or club. Take a class. Read a book. Ask for help with childcare on occasion. Volunteer to help at a charity. Get a job. Do something to make yourself feel better. Do something that you can talk about with your husband so that you can relate to each other on an intellectual level, and not have to rely on sex as your only connection. It will make your relationship (not to mention the rest of your life) so much better! I hope this helps, I am pulling for you!
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (16 June 2016):
 He's not treating you like a person. You need to show him you're more than just the mother of his children, his maid and his sex toy. Get a part-time job, maybe 2 days a week or a couple of half days. Save up some money, especially in case you need to leave him, or you'll have nothing to support yourself and your children.
Gain some of your life back that's outside of the home. Do you have any friends? Do you go out at all for coffee? Does your husband ever take you anywhere?
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (15 June 2016):
 Well see thats the thing, by the time he is finished work you are asleep so maybe he turns to porn as well he is hardly going to wake you. Children are a strain on any relationship especially when you are looking after them all day every day, but also 12 hour shifts are tough on your husband and maybe he needs that release after work, it could also be that he is tired during the day before work to have sex. But as I said refuse to be at his beck and call, learn to say no and tell him you are to be pleased sexually first or else no Bj or sex.
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A
female
reader, Kblost +, writes (15 June 2016):
Kblost is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI never seen it like, I was clingy. That's good to know but also do you think pron could be the problem? He rejects my every advance and yet on his history it shows he watches pornography everyday. I can't tell you how long or if he masturbates because it's when he gets home from work and I'm sleeping.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (15 June 2016):
You can cover childcare if you both work. I don't think housewives/househusbands are a wise decision because you're completely dependent on someone and, in a situation like this, you have no money to your name to leave, if necessary. That really needs to change; how will you support your children with no job or money? You'll also have a big gap on your résumé.I really would advise you getting a part-time job. Earn some of your own money and gain some independence. This isn't your fault, but you need to put your foot down. Stop doing everything for him. Stop fulfilling his sexual needs when he treats you like a sex toy, not a person and certainly not his equal partner. If your daughter/son came to you in this situation, what would you tell them to do? Right now, you're essentially submitting to him and he knows no different, so expects it of you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2016): The other aunts gave some good advise. You need to start putting yourself first for a change, and try to meet some of your emotional needs with other people, and not rely on your husband for everything all the time. It is very draining on him, though he may not tell you to spare your feelings.Can you join some kind of mommy group in your area? that way you can bring the children and meet other mothers to befriend. Maybe even do some childcare swaps with them so you can start to do activities on your own or volunteer. Do you have any family members nearby that could take the kids (at least the baby while others are in school) for a bit so you can take a class or go to the gym or something? Is there any work you can do freelance from home? Can you take a college course online? Start doing things to grow your skills and be independent. You didn't do this yet because you got married so young, but now you seem to have no identity of your own and no self esteem. You will have to be the one to change that. If you do this, your husband will start to like you more and want to be with you more. Most importantly, you will like you more.Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Best of luck.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (15 June 2016):
Nope it is not your doing at all. The thing is though you do whatever it takes to please him therefore he feels he does not need to make an effort because you will do it anyway. You need to step back and take control of the situation. If you want foreplay then don't give him sex until he does what you want, if he sticks his **** in your face then turn away and tell him it is your turn first.
I would suggest that you both get a babysitter for a night and book a hotel away some where. Buy some drinks and candles for the room, share a bath and try new things. Try and get some heat back in to the relationship.
It is hard when he is working and you are not, you feel like you must do everything for him because he is out working, but that is not the case, you are looking after the children and the house, he should have some responsibility as well.
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A
female
reader, Kblost +, writes (15 June 2016):
Kblost is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI want to start by saying thank you for the advice. I don't work because I have a 10 month old baby and a 9year old and a 6year old and child care (cost) is ridiculous. I don't have friends because I hardly ever leave the house. When I do it to the grocery store. So this is all my doing right?
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A
female
reader, singinbluebird +, writes (15 June 2016):
 Everything youve stated has shown that youre not emotionally grounded nor do you have any boundaries! You've allowed him to do everything he wanted to you and have done everything sexually to please him ---sweetheart, youre exactly what a guy would call clingy.Relax. Pull back. You need to evaluate exactly who you are and why you are doing this. I know you love him but why dont you work? Why arent you focus on meeting other needs in your life? Men, women, human beings dont like clinginess and it causes us to pull away. Youre reaching out far too much, helping, serving, GIVING GIVING GIVING, have you ever thought to relax, pull back, introspect and allow him to give to you? Have you even given yourself anything?Find a job or a hobby, take care of the kids, go out and smell the roses, if you have a high sex drive, go out for a run and exercise, smile at your neighbors and chitchat with your girlfriends. Just keep focusing on feeling good inside cause that good feeling wont come from anywhere else if you dont already have it in you.You need to be grounded in who you are, your boundaries, what you give, and what you receive from others. Enable these gifts and your man (and everyone else in your life) will realize that youre centered and no longer just acting on these hunches to give give give but that you are a woman who can act consciously and joyfully receive. Spend some time alone, find out who you are, set some boundaries and you will find that you can heal what is broken
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (15 June 2016):
I think you may have got married too young and potentially married the wrong guy - someone selfish who molded you into his ideal sex partner, maid and housewife (do you work?) who does absolutely everything for him (not healthy). He's been getting away with treating you this way for too long, so he feels entitled to it with no need for putting effort in. It's time for you to step back and demand some attention. Don't be at his beckoned call - marriages should be equal and yours isn't. Start making things change and if he doesn't like it, it may be time for some couples counselling or divorce.
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