A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm in a relationship with a much older man. I am 28, and he is 48. We have been together for six months. He told me yesterday that he has slept with about 35 people!. Do you think that's a lot, even for someone his age?. I lost my virginity to him, so obviously, i feel awful because he has slept with a lot more people than i have. I don't regret losing my virginity to him, as we love each other very much. He used to live in London, so he met women from different countries who lived there, or who were just visiting there. He has only had five relationships ( one of them was with his ex wife ) , so he has obviously had a lot of flings. How can i stop feeling upset about this ?.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2012): He keeps saying that i am the best lover he has ever had, but i don't see how i can be, as some of the other women will have been more experienced than i am. Do you think he is just saying that to try and make me feel better ?. For all i know, he could have said that to everyone that he has slept with. We haven't even had that much sex, to be honest. We have had sex using condoms, and with the " withdrawal method ", so it hasn't lasted very long each time we have had sex. I'm considering going on the pill though. I'm going to have a chat with him about everything that's bothering me. I do feel insecure that he has slept with so many women, because he is more experienced than i am, and so were the women that he slept with. I also believe that sex should be with someone that you are in love with. That's my opinion anyway.
A
male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (1 July 2012):
 Well I'm a much older man, now in my 60s. For 20 years of my life, I was married and faithful. And I was married and faithful very briefly twice before. But during my single years, there were many girlfriends and live-in lovers. Almost twice the number mentioned. And I have some friends and acquaintances who claim that they have had twice or many more sexual encounters.
Perhaps some of that should be taken with a grain of salt. as goes a common expression.
Today, I don't feel that my experiences should matter to anyone with whom I'm with, and I would not likely mention it. Perhaps your partner's mistake is his bragging about it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2012): I've slept with about the same amount of men...and I'm a perfectly respectable person and I don't consider myself to a person who sleeps around! Seriously, it isn't that many for someone of his age. Please try to get over it. I know it's hard because I was in the same position myself a number of years back and used to get very jealous. But it's you he wants to be with not them. Everyone needs sex and physical comfort. It doesn't make him a bad person. And really... from my experience... it's only one or two people who have been really good lovers and taught me what I like. The rest were average... and it was the intimacy more than anything that I wanted. Now this man has intimacy with you. Feel special and don't let this become an issue - it really shouldn't be.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2012): 35 partners is not an extreme amount for being 48 years old and mostly single during that time.
But most single 28yo people have also had at least a dozen partners too, and you didn't have any until him. There is definitely a difference between you and him on sexual choices.
The way you feel is not wrong or right. It is just a compatibility problem between you and him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2012): It does seem like a lot, although if he started having sex at age 18 or so, that is only one or two flings a year, I mean, that's not so outrageous. I guess it's not really about whether its a particularly high number, but more about how comfortable you yourself are with his past. What in particular do you think it is that is upsetting you? if it is the fact that he has more experience and seems to have had more 'fun' maybe you aren't ready to settle down yet and have a fear of missing out on something else life might have to offer. If you are upset out of jealousy, maybe you are insecure about the relationship and are worried that it wont last? Maybe you could spend some time trying to identify exactly what it is that is worrying you, and then trying to look for a solution. Talking with your partner is always key!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2012): sometimes its best not to ask your partner how many people they have slept with, i have never asked my husband and he's never asked me. Try not to worry too much, he is with you and you love eachother, those other people are in the past! With 20.yrs between you, he was most likely to have more experience, try not to think of the number, just think of it as him knowing what he's doing! communication is the best key to a relationship, if you find yourself unable to get through this then talk to him about how you feel, obviously he knows that you lost ur virginity to him, let him help you handle your feelings. x
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