A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I feel like, i don't have any real loyal friends. I've had one bestfriend all my life, literally, and she recently back stabbed me and really didn't care, she was the one person i could always count on.I have another i've been friends with since grade 2, and i made a huge mistake yesterday, and she wanted to hang out today to help me through it then she just ditched me, which makes me feel like she doesn't even care.I have one other one who i can really call a best friend but doesn't really ever act interested.I just feel so alone in that part of my life ..
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2008): A female reader, anonymous has very good insight. Work on yourself, and make sure you make your self happy, and never loose this.
Friends come and go. I've had many. We all get side tracked into something else; friends marry; friends go away for school, military; move away with parents.
When I thought they were being mean, I purposely was mean back, and then latter realize that life is tuff, and I made a bad dicision in acting the way I did. There are also rumors, many have been made about me that turned friends against me. It is sad but true, life can be dificult at times. But learning to be always honest and open, helps improve this with other people. Amazingly enough, I have voiced my opinion on other sites like this, and have found that I have a fan club, and even those that didn't like what I said or did, they eventually have respect for me. So being yourself, learning who you are, your likes and dislikes, learning your strengths and weaknesses, and improving on those areas that need it, like taking specific classes, will bring you more friends in time.
Interesting enough, smiling does help, though I don't like smiing, and being depressed send people running away unless you've formed a strong bond. Communication is key.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwow that was amazing and i dont even know what to say back but thank you so much and that i couldnt have asked for better advice.
xo
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2008): I think maybe you might be a bit like me. I only have a couple of "best" friends, and that's been the same all my life. But the couple I have are wonderful. Maybe one or two of these friends you have made mistakes, but people aren't perfect and the time will come where you'll no doubt make big mistakes to them too. You sound like you'll be willing to forgive them for mistakes they make and really value them for who they are, and that makes you a wonderful friend to have.
It's not about quantity in the end, it's about how much you care about your friends and how much they care about you. It can be a bit lonely, but I'm now 22 and really value only having a few close friends - they're far more important to me and I have more time for them than I would for loads of friends. I would consider them family.
I know sometimes it can seem friends aren't interested or seem distant. Bear in mind that at your age (and mine) people are going to make mistakes, learn about themselves and perhaps may seem a little selfish. Try to go easy on them and you'll find one day you'll need them to respect the mistakes you make too.
At the same time, learn to know when a friendship is one sided. You'll see this - sometimes you get nothing back from a friendship and give such a lot. If it's like this maybe step back. Never be afraid to be alone and use that to cling to friendships that drag you down or don't respect you. Sometimes a friendship isn't right at the time, but when they've grown up more or learnt more about themselves, they come back to you years later.
There will be special friendships that emerge in your life where they truly connect with you and you feel completely comfortable with them. You'll know which friends these are. To be honest, I've found if you have that with a couple of people and you're happy with yourself as a person you don't need more.
I would say, love yourself and learn all you can about what you like. Try to keep smiling, and treasure the special friendships you have. If you feel lonely, go out there and try to get involved in things that interest you - but don't do it just to seek out friends, do it because it makes you happy. By getting involved with things that make you happy you're more likely to meet those special people. And when they meet you, they'll see the happy, fun person you are and recognise all the qualities that make you wonderful as a friend.
xxxx
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