A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:It's because of my mum that I can't have a relationship with this guy that I like. We both really like each other, but I can't stand it when my mum asks questions all the time, she doesn't even know about him but she anoys me so much I just don't want to go out any more unless she is not here to ask me where I'm going. I swear I have got stuck in this house now for so long, Ii want to break free but I don't know how, I hate all the questions, even if I say I'm going to a friends, she interrogates me about everything. I don't like to lie to her, but even if I do it's still question after question. I understand she's my mum and is worried about me etc but she was never like it with my brother, or my YOUNGER sister. I would like to tell her about the guy, but not have all the questions about him, or 'us'..please help, I don't know what to do any more..??? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2008): Your Mother is reacting like this, because she's scared for you. And it's because you likely don't offer much to her, by way of information, as to what you're up to. She's also worried, because she knows that one dumb mistake you could make now, could alter your entire future.
So you need to act mature here and try to stop being frustrated and angry at her for being this way. You are thinking "nothing can happen to me' and your Mother sees that you think that way...and she knows better. Big mistakes now, can change the furture drastically. And she wants better for you.
You have a few options. But firstly. I think you need to sit her down and ask for independence and respect from her, to be able to venture out in life on your own. The only way she will see what you want is by not lying and being upfront with her. One thing you could do is move out. I can't see what is holding you back? If it's a job? Then get one. If you do have a job, then get a roomate/s, pool together your resources and get a place. I guess, I'm looking at your age here and I'm thinking, if you don't like the situation, the questions, the interrogation...you can do something about it. Another option is....if you can't leave, then tell her you will pay 'room and board' but you want your independence. You want to bve able to have full reign over your own life. Then if she agrees to that, buy your own groceries, make your own meals, wash your own clothes and keep your room, in orderly fashion. Show her that you can do it!
But the best way around this, is to love and reassure her, with no anger and talking back. Adults don't treat their parents like that. Let her know, you aren't going down some wayward path by dating some guy who will take you there. Can you not introduce him to your family? She needs you to be open, honest and give her that 'peace of mind'. Listen, she's your Mother, she will always love and care for you and with that there will be worrisome moments. it's now time to give back to her and your family, like she did for you, the past 2 decades. Let her into your life and start be more open, honest and give her the reassurances that you are okay. Good luck, hun and I hope you and she can negotiate a happier relationship...Take care
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (10 November 2008):
She is a parent and that means she has had 20 years to practice being annoying.
When my husband came back from the invasion of Iraq in 2003, he decided to go out with his mates.
"where are you going?" asked his mum
"Into Liverpool," he replied
"Well be careful because Liverpool can be rough on a weekend," she lectured. "Don't you want to go to Chester instead?"
He pointed out that he had been in Basra 72 hours previous and she accepted that she might, just might, be nagging.
Just say to your mother in a smiley apprieciative voice "Mum you are mothering again. I'm a big girl and I'll be ok. I promise not to take any sweets from strangers."
Then Waltz out of the door before she can reply.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2008): Tell her what you have told us and ask her why she isn't like that with the others. Maybe she is but you haven't been around at the time. Maybe she loves you more. There must be a reason.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2008): Have some girl time with her, without her having to ask. Tell her about some of your friends, about people you know, like you would a friend. She'll feel like she knows more about you, so she might not ask so much. We need to look at how she feels - you're like 19 or 20, so your life's pretty much your own. Maybe she just wants to have a big part in your life?
I'm not accusing you of anything, don't read it like that. I'm trying to help. Me and my mum were the same.
Hope i've helped.
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