A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I'm 32 and I've been on dating websites for a year now since my last break up. The guy i was with was very different to me, and i vowed not to get involved with somebody similar. he was a nice guy, but we disagreed strongly on a few things, namely my keeping pets, my untidiness and my smoking. I've dated a lot of people since, talked to loads online, but i couldnt sustain conversation. i met one guy online six months ago and i JOKINGLY messaged him saying we're soo not a match, (he's written i don't want to hear from people who are just out of a relationship, who smoke, like cats, are chaotic, etc.) but i liked your profile. We kept talking. out of everybody i met online i like him the best. I can sit on msn to him for hours as conversation comes easily. We are a very high compatibility match with dating views, ethics, sex, etc, but there are four main sticking points and we have different cultural tastes in music, films, etc. We've said we can only ever be friends with this in mind. He's joked 'if only you didn't....' He lives 80 miles away too. I find him very attractive, hes funny, intelligent, witty, and i know he likes me too. He struggles to trust after being hurt in the past and i am very patient and open with him and feel i'm building his trust. This week, i realised that i continue to return to him as i like him. I feel annoyed that these main sticking points exist though. His match criteria is very important to him - i'm prepared to try to be open minded. Yesterday, he admitted he liked me, but told me we should be friends only, yet i suspect he is doing this to protect himself, and i know there is more there. He sometimes makes 'jokes' to the effect that i should stop looking at other profiles and go for him, he's asked me to talk on skype now, for more photos, and asked to meet up and we text each other. i feel that rationally, both of us can't believe we've started to like somebody who ticks so many boxes on the no criteria. if only 2 or 3 things were different about him, i'd be over the moon, but i think this is kind of getting out of control. i have no doubt that we ARE compatible emotionally, but practically i'm worried about starting a relationship with mr tidy-cat hater!Should we go with logic or our feelings?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2010): I think you have to ask yourself where you want this to go. To stay an online relationship or develop into something real. You have to meet up if you want to really see if you like each other in the flesh, meet for coffee, have a chat. You will pretty soon know if there is any chemistry there.
A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (29 December 2010):
 Sometimes opposites do attract. But remember a written conversation only is not a complete relationship. Maybe you should meet once, although that would be sad if you did not like each other in person.What you have is essentially a penpal. I have had the same penpal since grade four. Yes you got that! And we have even fallen out occasionally. but eventually returned. She is a few months older than that - and that seemed so insurmountable when I was in grade four. Funnily enough it was not until we were adults that we finally revealed our dark secret - that we each had alcoholic parents. So growing up we had even more in common than we realised.Definitely keep writing. However I think he is starting to like you more, despite what your apparent differences. However if you were 24/7 together cracks in the relationship might appear. Or you would both have to compromise a lot. Hope it works out. Regards Abella
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