A
male
age
41-50,
*ommy1234
writes:On a break or what?Iv been going out with my girlfriend for two years it has been the best relationship both of us have ever had until recently when I found out she had lied to me about something which I didn’t expect from her as I have always been honest with her throw out the relationship, anyway I took being lied to really bad a dumped her and wouldn’t talk two her for two days finally when I calmed down I lisent to her storey and told her that it was ok and I would forget about it. the day after we went for lunch and went back to her house after I had a feeling there was something wrong with her so I kept asking if she was ok she said she didn’t feel the same about me and wanted a break two figure out how she feels about us so I tried to give her some space but she called me the next day and stated telling me that she still loved me so I ask if she was ok now an if she needed any more time she said yes which I didn’t really understand so I asked her why she needed more time she said she didn’t know. What I’m thinking now is she may be testing me or getting me back at me for dumping her for lying and I don’t think I deserve it. what should I do I’m really confused? What should I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2007): I doubt your girlfriend is being so calculated to be testing you or getting back at you, but rather she is hurt that you broke up with her and that you took so long to calm down, she is probably a little scared to try again.
When you break up with someone, you severely hurt that person and it takes a lot to bring things back to how they were. You shouldn't have broken up with her unless you were sure that's what you wanted to do. Relationships need security in them, and breaking up with someone destroys that.
If you both decide to work things out, you need to give this support and make it very clear to her that you'll never break up with her in an argument again. You are bound to get yourselves in to situations where you argue again but no person can handle a relationship where the security is hanging on a thread. Breaking up is something you should only ever address once you are calm and have thought about things.
Also when you said "it's OK, I'll forget it" - did you mean that? It's a very important skill to be able to accept someones apology, see their reasons for it and put it in the past. Bringing up things that have been dealt with will always bring you back to this breaking up point again. You both need to understand each others reasons for what you did, accept that you both made mistakes and both try to not react the same way the next time a drama enters your life. All the best
A
female
reader, TygersDream  +, writes (4 February 2007):
 Since I wasn't there when you guys fought, you'll have to think about these questions and answer them yourself:
how big was the lie she told you?
Do you think your reaction was warranted?
Do you think you overreacted?
After you let her explain her story, did she have a good reason to lie? If she did, were you gracious and sincere enough to forgive her and make up with her? Or did you just say "it's okay. I'll forget it." cuz that doesn't resolve ANYTHING if you're the type of guy who'll bring up the past when something goes wrong.
Perhaps when you were fighting you said some really surprising, shocking, "I can't believe HE said that to ME" things. You might have felt betrayed at first, but now SHE's the one who feels betrayed by your reaction.
Right now it's not your place to feel resentful or "I don't think I deserve it." YOu have to really think about your relationship as a whole. WHY did she have to lie to you, for instance. Try to think about it from a neutral standpoint. Don't take her need for a break personally because that usually means SOMEBODY has to be in the wrong. Don't get your back up, if you want her back, and you truly FORGIVE her for lying to you (as long as she had a good reason for it) then you have to let her have her space.
Another reason why she may want time and space is perhaps because she feels you're domineering. Perhaps this argument is the last straw and she is wondering whether she can complement you all the time. So you have to ask yourself whether you have been fair throughout your relationship. Is she afraid or shy to speak her mind?
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