A
female
age
36-40,
*razyKandy
writes:I've been dating my boyfriend for almost three years now. I've always enjoyed spending time with him and fell in love with him only about three months into the relationship, but it seemed like I was always the one expressing my love to him in all sorts of ways. I would always forget the world for him and do everything in my power to make him happy. He never really returned my affections, he said he just wasn't that kind of guy. I continuously feel frustrated, even now. I just sometimes wish I could be with a person who is as crazy about me as I am about him. I've talked to him many times in attempts to help myself and the relationship, but we always get into an emotional discussion in which he cries to me, telling me that he needs me and promises to give me his all FINALLY after three years of dating! He made me promise never to hurt him because he was going to work harder towards the relationship. The last time I threatened to break up with him, he gave me the "we need each other" talk and I fell for it! Now, he still chooses to play video games before he decides to talk to me. I'm afraid to break his heart and break up with him because he has been through a lot in past relationships, and quite honestly, I don't want to be alone. Am I being too unreasonable and unyielding? I just don't want to work so hard in this relationship anymore! What do I do?
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female
reader, KrazyKandy +, writes (31 December 2009):
KrazyKandy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice everyone!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2009): hi isn't making an effort. i don't think he'll change, what can happen that you'll stop paying attention to his behavour, and then you guys will be fine. That happens over the years.
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A
female
reader, coffeebean86  +, writes (9 September 2009):
 Hello - i ve been in a situation exactly like you.. he would see his friends before trying to resolve an issue with me - computer games come first before dating and the "gf comes later"
I feel if he says he really loves you so much, and that he needs you - he will do all in his power to "change" to make you happy but it seems he hasn't and wont. HONESTLY - Its hard for him to change... being with a person for so long makes you feel comfortable to act a certain way bc u've just gotten use to it as. He probably feels, "gee this girl loves me so much, i can just talk to her later cos shes not going anywhere anyways..." Hes taking you for granted
U say you express your love for him all the time.. so when u "threaten to break up" with him - why would he believe it? its all just threatening to him. You need to show him how serious you are and if is not going to make at least half the effort of what you put in, your out. Talk it out with him seriously - don't say stuff like "don't you love me anymore?" have a really serious talk with him - maybe you need a few.
If he still acts the same after the talk- try a 30day no-contact break with him - hopefully it makes him see what hes been missing and really appreciate you. Yea it may break his heart - but hearts repair. I know its kinda scary because you may break up for good - but honestly - if he wont chase you back properly or stop taking u for granted - then hes not really worth the time. Can u imagine him treating you like this for the next 10 years? Who knows, if the break makes him appreciate you more - u may have something more wonderful!
Why are you scared of breaking his heart when hes breaking your heart all the time? thats not fair hun...
And why are you so scared of being alone? your still so young and have so many people to meet! and im sure you are attractive since your bf is still around and not with someone else - just because this one doesnt work out right now, doesnt mean there isnt someone else out there who will love you.
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