| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: Where to start? Been friends with this guy since the beginning of the year. We ended up kissing recently, but thankfully he put a stop to it because he was still confused over his feelings for his ex. We had a talk a few days later and I told him I had been on dates with other guys recently. He looked shocked and said he was worried that he was going to lose me to another guy in the time it takes to get over his ex. Later on, he sent me a message saying he really liked me but didn’t know what to do. Loved ones advised me to see how the friendship developed rather than ask him outright if he would like to be girlfriend/boyfriend because it might freak him out. Up to the point of kissing each other, I thought the friendship was developing into more naturally and given how shocked he was when I said I had been on dates with other guys did he think the same?. I was dating other guys because my male friend hadn’t asked me to be his girlfriend. I think I need to hear it verbally so I know where I stand - so my loved ones advice didn’t work!We seem to have settled back into the friendship zone again.I saw him last night and the mixed signals continue. In a conversation about work, he asked me if there was anyone I liked there. I couldn’t tell if he was trying to ‘remind’ me we were just friends by asking about other men or if he was worried about potential competition so I just copped out and said ‘don’t know’! It partly seemed like a friendly enquiry but as I know he can be insecure, was there more to it?He then told me that his mate was having a really rough time since splitting up with his ex and wanted a female friend to hang out with. He works in a very macho environment and I guess he wants to hang out with a girl to balance things out a bit. He doesn’t want a relationship, strictly friendship. Anyway, his mate said he would like to be friends with me but my male friend told him ‘no way, she’s mine’ (I have to say he did say this bit with a smile on his face!!!) He said would a certain female relative of mine be interested in being his mate’s friend. Given that his mate only wants friendship, I don’t see where the problem would be in us being friends!! My male friend then went on to say that ‘because my mate is 'x' years younger than you it wouldn’t work whereas there is only 'y' years between me and you’. There would still be nearly 'x' years between my female relative and my male friend’s mate!!! Yet, we've always agreed age doesn't matter in relationships/friendships. So, what is all that about?!?!?! Is he worried I will develop a relationship with his mate?On another note, I did notice last night that the photographs of his ex in his room have been taken down, so is he finally starting to get over his ex? Can I take this as a good sign?To my surprise, he came out of his way to visit me late the other night even after having worked a 15 hour day. I thought that was really sweet of him to go to that effort. Struck me as something a boyfriend would do rather than friend though?Well, as much as I really like my male friend (with all his bizarre ideas and theories!!!) and want to be his girlfriend, I have decided I am not going to hold out for him and I will continue dating other men (even if my male friend is on my mind all the time!) because I can’t be expected to wait for him to get over his ex. It could take months or years!!!
View related questions:
his ex, insecure, kissing Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2006): Well coming to a decision helps. Have you told him all yoiu felt?
Did you re-instate that you have deep feelings for him and that you think you and him should give it a go? Did you tell him that you are waiting for him to decide if he wants to be serious with you and commit? Did you ask if you making the choice to date other men would ever put a possible future with him at jeopardy?
I think if you could have just said all you felt and were open to him first and offered him the option of dating...he could have been getting the same mixed signals and he could have thought he blew it, he could of hoped you would make the first move.
Either way, your decision is made and that should give you some peace.
You sound smart and realistic and you were patient and now that has run out.
Dating causually and keeping options open for yourself is a good thing to be doing.
Best of wishes.
A
female
reader, kellyO  +, writes (12 July 2006):
 Hi there,
what i am really uncomfortable with is guys that tell one there are confused over feelings for an ex. If a guy isnt still sure whether or not he still has feelings for his ex then that means she can perhaps just walk back into his life at any point and threatens his new relationship. In other words i sincerely agree with the advise of your friends this guy definitely need sometime to determine what he feels for you.It will be good to just be his friend for now.
i know you are impatient with this i would too but you have to give him time to sort himself out or at the long run you might get hurt.Believe me not everyone requires six month or more to be able to move on it depends on what happened really and the emotional state of the individual.
If at all you feel you cant wait then it is your prerogative to move on it depends on what you feel for him.
You seem like a great spirited girl and i feel that you will be able to handle everthing the right way.
Goodluck.
...............................
A
male
reader, Lostandalone  +, writes (12 July 2006):
 You should go out and date if not for yourself for him. He has to come to a conclusion about you. He can't stop you from having potential mates. If you show him that you are living fine without him and he has a social life without him he'll have to step up to the plate. Don't stop being his friend. He will see what you are doing and he will tell you, you won't have to ask. Most men are territorial and when someone else is treading on their space they tend to take action. Trust me I'm a guy. Good Luck.
...............................
|
