A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 21 and my friend Melissa is 18. She has been through a lot and she doesn't let anyone close to her. We don't see each other very often (maybe once a month) because we are both really busy and live 3 hours away from each other. In 2010 we stopped contact for about 7 months because I got angry with her for talking to other guys more than me and I just felt like I was being pushed away but I never said anything and ending up ignoring her. That hurt her because she felt like I was just another friend leaving her. It was a shit decision and I should have just caved and started talking to her again. After those 7 months she messaged me just saying hi and we've been talking since but only on Facebook once a week and I haven't seen her for roughly a year. For the past month we talk about 4 times a week on Facebook and calls and we seem to have the same connection we used to. She's a good friend but we keep arguing nearly every time we talk because she doesn't trust me the way she used to. She says it's because she doesn't trust people who just leave. I understand it because I want to be there for her and I blamed her for something that I shouldn't have but I was unreasonable and left her when she trusted me and I didn't realise how massive that was considering what she's experienced in her life. My issue now is that I don't know how to get her to trust me again and I feel like just giving up. Everything seems the same as before I stopped talking to her so why won't she trust me? How do I change that? I don't want to lose her because she's a good friend and she's there for me any time I need to talk but I just feel like crap when I know she doesn't trust me even though I do want to be there for her. She tells me a lot of stuff that she doesn't tell other people though so I thought she did trust me but she says she doesn't need to trust anyone to tell them that stuff anymore because she doesn't expect them to stick around anyway. What do I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2012): I think the only way is to just stay by her side and prove yourself. You have to earn that position again. Shes just scared you'll leave her again so shes built a wall. She might also be using it as a revenge way of her showing how hurt she was that people have left so she doesnt tell anyone anything anymore. Just be patient and show her that you wont leave, by not leaving.
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