A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My ex has been contacting me, telling me she's been missing me and thinking of me all day. In one of her recent emails she told me that she misses me incredibly but doesn't know whether talking to me again will make things more or less painful but she mentioned nothing about getting back together.I was unsure what to think of her intentions. Whether she really has no intentions of getting back together with me but rather than just using me as a cushion to help get over me sooner since she's still having a tough time after a month and a half since the breakup and almost a month of NC.I feel unready to get back into communication with her, whether it'd be leading towards reconciliation or not. I just feel like I need more time for several things.1. It's a busy school week for me and I got a lot of studying to do.2. My computer if infected with an awful virus so it needs reformatting, she doesn't have the guts to talk on the phone or meet or anything.3. Need to get my thoughts and decisions together in my head regarding this breakup and her interest in wanting to talk again but not reconcile.I want to get back with this girl because I love her but I also don't just want to be the guy who'll talk to her when she wants, or come back to her whenever she wants me to, so I want to show her and have been showing her that I can be independent (which I've learned to become since she stated her reason for breaking up with me was due to me being too dependent on her).I simply told her that I've missed her too but but keeping it low has probably been for the good of both of us and told her to get back to me by like Friday and we can decide then. I felt that Friday would be a good time because it'll give me some time to think it through more clearly and I wouldn't be occupied with with studies. Also I should have my comp fixed by then.However she turns things around and responds back saying "ok ill give u some time but we'll talk about it later"It's that last part that gets me, I told her Friday then she turns it around and says we'll talk about it later. Why would she be doing this? Is she playing some kind of game with me? I do want to talk to her, I want to get back with her but I'm just not ready to take any of those steps as of yet. I also don't want to appear as the guy who will obey what she says. I'm very happy that the NC period worked and she ended up missing me drastically but now I feel like it backfired on me and she's displeased with me somewhat, possibly for telling her I just want to think about it and telling her we'll talk Friday.I just hate it when she tries to turn tables on me and and takes control of the situation.Did I f up big time? I don't know what the hell I'm supposed to do, I just want some more damn time.
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female
reader, kemara  +, writes (20 April 2010):
NO you haven't f up big time. If you are not ready to see her again or you are unsure of her intentions don't get into that again. I suggest you wait until you know for a fact that your ready and if the time never comes then all you do is move on. its better to have loved and lost than never to love at all.Don't let her get into your head like that, never give someone that hold over you trsut me. i know its hard, but you need to try. i was in a situation once where me and my so-called boyfriend broke up and he always kept saying he miss me and i made the mistake to run to his side every time i heard the I MISS U'S. You know what happened? We had sex, he falls asleep, wakes up and takes me home. harsh huh? well its reality and guess what i had a boyfriend at the time, but because my ex was my first i always felt like i owed it to myself to see where this could take us. boy was i wrong. Assess the relationship you guys had before. don't jump to the conclusions that her intentions are all bad. Talk to her ask her whats up, but dont be dependent Take charge of the situation....she left you, its her fault not yours. dont allow yourself to get hurt again though and dont meed with her, especially in a secluded place where you'll be vulnerable. Make sure you are ready for every she dishes out. i hope this helped
A
female
reader, rambini  +, writes (20 April 2010):
 you are perfectly entitled to take as much time as you need. she dumped you remember, so the ball is in your court. if you dont want to talk to her, dont. if she gets annoyed, tough. she is playing control games with you, she is annoyed that wheras before you adored her and were dependent on her, now that you are not she is annoyed that she has lost that control over you. but this is a very good thing for you, you should always want to be with someone more than you need to be with them. so my advice is just to stick your ground, wait til friday if thts what you want, and take it slow and try to keep in on your terms (within reason). it could be just that since breaking up with you she is feeling a bit low, and wants you to boost her self esteem by telling her how much you miss her and want her back. this could especially be the case since she hasnt mentioned meeting or reconciling and she even said she "doesn't know whether talking to me again will make things more or less painful". i would not get your hopes up about reconciling, personally i think she is probably looking for an ego boost. just take it slow, and stick to your guns and i really hope she isnt just messing you aroundbest of luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2010): why do you want to get back together shes yor EX for a reason right? Don't think too much with your heart you'll get hurt. Your head knows that its sensible to let her go but your heart is making you do otherwise. You've come quite far already its been a month and a half and a little while with no communication-you've got past the hard bit. The first few months without that person are always the hardest,don't throw it away now.
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