A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a boy problem. I really like this guy, Derek, but he likes someone else Eve. Eve is seeing someone, but is tagging Derek and two other guys along. His friend, Louis, a friend of mine too, tells me that I have no chance, that i should give up because this guy is totally in love with Eve, and she's perfect. Louis says things like, "if he did like you it wouldn't be because of your looks". He also says Derek is an idiot, and really mean to girls, but i spend a lot of time with him and find him really nice and a good laugh.I don't know what to do, i cant get him off my mind. I don't want to give up, but everyone's telling me i should. What do i do? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2007): It's okay to like Derek, he may attractive and may be kind when he is with you. That's okay and normal or healthy.
Just keep in mind you are all youth and you are all uncertain of who and how to be; you are all still figuring it all out so what I read does sound like there are alot of immature young people in your life. But again, that's age appropriate.
If these young men can't be smart enough to see that Eve is a player; it's not your responsibility to teach them. They have to figure this one out for themselves. Fast forward five years from now and what happened in Highschool will seem so distant and you will all have grown mentally and emotionally.
If you don't like how Louis talks about someone you choose to like; don't talk to Louis about Derek. If Louis brings Derek up say I'm going to go now, I don't want to hear you talk of someone I like and know that I like. You make me feel bad to have my own feelings and thoughts about him. That's not good. See you later.
Keep this standard and eventually Louis will catch on...have patience though.
Louis does seem like he is a very mean spirited friend to have so you may want to re-evaluate that relationship.
Do you tell Louis that when you put me down like that, and make light of my looks-you are attacking my person and it hurts my feelings and makes me feel like I am less than how I think and feel about myself. Friends shouldn't do that to one another. Stop it. He may be clueless he is inflicting damage. If he doesn't stop-cut him out of your life.
Seriously, if Louis thinks Eve is perfect; he's in for a big fall. No one is perfect and if he thinks it's admirable for Eve to be a player; what does that say about his character?
I still believe that youth at your age should not be steady dating. I think it's acceptable to take a young man's offer to go to a movie or for a milkshake. Take what oppurtunity comes. Steady dating at such a young age when so many are not even mentally or emotionally prepared for an ADULT relationship is only inviting in heartache, problems, hard feelings, jealousy, and violence.
You should be enjoying your youth and not be caught up in so much unnecessary drama.
I'm 35 and in touch with old buds from highschool. I had a friend ( I use that term lightly-we shared the same circle of friends) that most of the highschool boys lusted after. She was shallow and self absorbed but I knew these behaviours of hers was a show to hide her insecurities. I felt for her. She toyed with all the boys and they kept coming back for more. I couldn't believe it. I stopped feeling sorry for them. I'd try to give them advice when they asked for it and tried to let them know she is still young and what do they expect?
These same young men have since approached me to say...I didn't get it in highschool- D may have been attractive in the face and body but she was a B. I say, I know she was UNKIND, don't say that about any woman. They smile and say you are still you.
You were the sweetheart and had a good head on your shoulders; why didn't I ask you out? I'd tell them it's okay, it was highschool. I don't think any of us really knew then what would be important or what would make us happy.
It all works out with time.
*hugs*
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2007): Louis is an insensitive Dork with a capital 'D' and doesn't sound like the kind of friend I'd want to have.
Louis probably fancies Eve.
Eve is also a Dork for having 3 guys on the go at the same time.
Louis is jealous of Derek.
That's my analysis of the situation anyway.
Ask Derek if he knows about the other two guys she's tagging along.
Tell Derek that you like him.
best of luck
Phil
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A
female
reader, sexi  +, writes (25 September 2007):
 Hi
Listen to your heart. If you can build up the courage to ask Derek himself about his feelings for you then you shoudl but dont take other people's word. Continue to try being his friend and things may just go your way. Once he realizes what type of person Eve is you would stand a better chance, Give things a bit f time.
Good Luck,maile me if you wanna talk
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2007): Does Louis like you? Because he seems to be trying to put you off and bring your confidence down. I'm sure your beautiful and Eve isn't as perfect as they made out - She has a boyfriend but is leading [not one but] THREE boys on? What kind of person is that and who would want to be with someone who is capable of that?
Keep getting to know him, these things take time. But if he isn't interested there's always other boys who would love to go out with you!
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