A
female
age
30-35,
*ary2017
writes:Ok, so me and my boyfriend broke up four months ago. He broke up with me because I didn't approve of his drinking and getting drunk. He kept it a secret and I just happen to find out. We dated for a month and a half, but we texted for a month before that. We worked at the same summer job and we will again next summer. He is 17 and I am 19.I have only contacted him once since the break up, but he has contacted me numerous times. Most of these times have been recent. My friends tell me that he still likes me. I don't want to get back into a relationship because of his drinking. I don't know what to do if he tells me he still likes me. I mean I still have some feelings he was my first boyfriend. Do I just tell him no, or should I tell him that he has to choose between me or beer? The thing is his whole family does it, so I feel like he will never give it up.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 January 2014):
 I agree, just stay away and avoid contact, if he calls/text you - then either ignore it or tell him you don't really want to talk to him.
You were only together 1 1/2 month? It's not really something to pine over. Even if he was your first.
MOVE ON. Date a guy a WHILE longer then 1 1/2 month before getting intimate, so you have an idea of what kind of person he is BEFORE getting intimate (and I'm not talking texting for months, I'm talking ACTUAL dating).
He is not going to choose you over beer. If this is a "family" thing he isn't going to quit for you.
And I agree, you should date a "fixer upper" kind of guy, you know, one who would be "perfect" if only you could fix a,b,c and D about him... Life doesn't work that way.
You are ONLY 19, there are PLENTY of guys out there. Why settle for this one? Because he was your first? That would be silly.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (8 January 2014):
 You were very smart to break up with him. Not only is he underage, but hiding a drinking habit and being unable to stop are bad signs of an unhealthy relationship and a bleak future for his life and you as a couple. Underagers who drink and get drunk on a regular basis dramatically increase the risk of alcoholism if he's not there already. Add that to things like drinking and driving and other things that could put you at risk, and you made a very mature choice. As a mom, my hats off to you.
It would be different if the kid were of age or if the drinking were in moderation, sanctioned by his parents and is a custom like it is in foreign countries where wine or beer is served with meals regardless of age and inebriation is not the goal.
I drink occasionally and so does my husband. Usually when we're on a date or are celebrating something. If you don't like alcohol, it's a compatibility issue similar to dating smokers. I dated one smoker and decided never again (I don't smoke), but I don't think smoking is wrong and have close friends who do smoke. Drinking isn't wrong either, but it's also not wrong to choose a lifestyle that doesn't include it.
Don't bother with ultimatums. Not only does he hide drinking, but he's already on a self-destructive trajectory that you would be better not being on. You can't change other people, and in fact, you should only be with a guy if you can live with him "as-is".
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2014): Just stay away from him, OP and break off contact. I don't get your issue with drinking either but it's your life and you don't have to tolerate it if you choose not to.
You don't like drink or him getting drunk, he's definitely not going to stop regardless of what he says and you know what, OP. Don't ever date someone you feel needs to change to be with you. That's not fair on them and it's too much for you to ask.
You have good reason not to want to be with this guy, so just don't be with him, and stop playing games with him by letting him contact you.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (8 January 2014):
 i'm not sure i understand your opposition to alcohol. granted, he is a kid, under not only the legal age of drinking, but also under the age of being an adult all together. so in reality, he should have nothing to do with alcohol at all, as he is too young to understand the potential repercussions of drinking. however, that aside, what is your exact issue with his drinking? you seem to villify it as if it's a horrible thing.
many people drink or occasionally get drunk. doesn't necessarily make them a bad person. drinking does not equate to your moral character as a human being whatsoever. however, if you choose to have this non-drinking standard for a potential partner, that is absolutely your right. but it will be very hard to find.
do you have the right to give him an ultimatum? definitely not. it's not your place to tell him what he can and can't do. you're certainly not his mother or his parole officer. you don't get to dictate anyone elses life but your own (or future childrens lives lol). so if you can't handle this for whatever reasons you have, than i suggest moving on and finding someone new .. unless he desides to quit on his own accord.
good luck.
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