A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys I need some advice on what to do!My mum died back in early 2007 and although we weren't really close, I still really miss her. Anyway, after she died my dad moved back in who had left when I was about six and at first me and my sisters could tell he would rather be living on his own than looking after us guys, and I know its really bad to say, but he only started to actually bother looking after us properly when my grandparents started sending in money and the fact that my mother didn't write a will, some the house was automatically left to me(15), my older sister(18) and my younger sister(11). however we can't actually do anything with the house e.g sell it until we're all 18. anyway the real problem is that my dads ex girlfriend has been coming around a lot lately so I guess they're back on, but one of my mums wishes before she died was that my dads girlfriend wouldn't come to live with us. My mum didn't like her because 1, she has 3 kids and shes been scrounging off benefits for years, 2, shes a drunk, 3, the only job she's actually ever had was working in a bar, 4, she swears profusely... the list goes on and on. anyway since my elder sister has left for uni, my dad see's this as a great thing and he never listens to me, he invites her over alllll the time. It may seem like she's not that bad, but if you knew her you would know. for example I was off school the other day and she was here at home and the school rang in, wanting to know where I was and she answered the phone which I was really confused about because it's like a guest just answering your phone and to me, it was very rude, but anyway when the school asked her who she was, she kept saying she was my mum and that she was my 'new' mum.... she does this to my younger sister as well, for example when she picked her up from school(drunk) and kept boasting to all the other mums about how she was our new mum and she was looking after us (my younger sister ended up walking home in floods of tears) and ALSO I'm completely convinced she's trying to get my dad into drinking again...he used to be a big drug user and still brings weed into the house which may seem silly and minor but to me,it's disrespecting my mothers wishes...anyway it was November the 5th and there was all this stuff on the news about not doing fireworks under the influence, and he said he wasn't going to,but he asked me to get him a cup of tea whilst he was doing all the bonfire things and she said she would do it, and I was walking down the stairs and I caught a glimpse of her in the mirror with one of those small liquor bottles and I looked straight at her pouring the contents into the mug... It seemed so surreal to me like something out of a movie. since then I haven't been able to trust her and what happened today was what really sent me over the edge - I've got gcse's coming up and its all revision revision revision and my friend came over today and said "what day is your dad going to france with Trisha (my dads gf)?" and I had no idea what she was on about and she told me she had seen Trisha's daughter in our town (who insists I tell everyone she's my proper sister) and she said that my dad was taking Trisha away for a week to france and when I asked my dad what was going on, he basically just told me to get over it and he never gets any time off - she was looking smug as ever as he told me this. He insists she won't be living with us ever but i'm beginning to think he'd love having her around. What ever I do, he never seems to listen and It's seriously affecting my school grades, not to mention my social life as I'm always baby-sitting my younger sister... I want to try and get on with her and try not to upset my dad about it because he clearly loves her and I know he has his own life,but I can't help but feel I would be disappointing my mum as she hated the woman and didn't want her anywhere near us or her house...any advice or coping strategies would be appriciated-sorry it's so long!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (23 November 2008):
Is there anyone else who could look after you. All you need is someone over the age of 18.
If your big sister wasn't at uni then she could do it - what about your grandparents? Would they consider coming to stay with you?
If you could find someone, anyone who could come in and be your carer then you could chuck your dad and his girlfriend out. They have no right to be there.
Talk to your sister at uni. She will probably be home for Christmas soon and as soon as she is then she can enforce what your mum wanted - that this woman is not in the house.
If you all stand up and tell your dad that she is not to be there over Christmas then she will have to go and that might make her think twice about coming back.
Good Luck!! xx
A
female
reader, katatonik  +, writes (23 November 2008):
 I'm not sure how the legal system works in your country and what recourse you may have, but regardless it is not fair of your father to disrupt your life and your sister's with drinking and drug use. Talk to someone you trust about this situation--an aunt or uncle, or perhaps a school counselor if you don't have family close by.
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