I don't want to be friends with my ex in person. How do I tell him without either of us getting hurt?

I'm in a weird bind. My ex who I have become friends with and I get along well to great on the phone long distance. However, we have an awful past together in person. Just awful. Something that I can never forget. After he and I broke up, he moved very far from me, but I have just learned from him that he's going to be moving a bit closer to my area soon, again. He wants us to hang out and he has told me numerous times that I've helped him with his problems since our breakup. I have not wanted to help him or be deeply involved in his life, I just simply answer the phone when he calls. I'm the type who listens and gives advice (if they want it), no matter who is coming to me. I tried to let him go and give him and myself space after we broke up, but after a while, he started calling me again, and now it is very frequent that he calls. I admit I do enjoy talking to him on the phone. I usually hope the best for him and care for his well-being, but when he and I are together in person, it has potential to become a train wreck. He picks fights and they escalate. I do not even have to participate. Sometimes, I just feel scared of him when we are physically near one another, even though he has never physically hurt me. It's usually more a hurt of the mental variety, but I do have a weariness of physical hurt around him as well. He can fight me or his idea of me and mistreat me when we are together in a face to face sense. I think he thinks I'm his mother sometimes. He and she do not get along at all. Anyways, I don't know the proper way to tell him, I'd love to hang with you (if I had amnesia regarding our breakup, but I don't)...so let's just continue as friends on the phone. I guess the answer seems easy on the surface...oh, just stop answering his calls and cut all ties with him, but I have problems with that on two fronts. First, he is obsessive, and we share some of the same friends. I don't know what type of 'revenge' I'll get if I start to completely and forever ignore him. I don't know how far he'll go--whether it be social punishment, or even physical punishment. I just can't tell right now. Secondly, I actually do get something from keeping in touch with him when he's being respectful. When he's being more mature, he feels a lot like a lost family member to me, and I do not get to feel that often in my life. But, when he turns manipulative, it drives me insane to think of it all. I never wanted to hurt him or be further hurt by him, by keeping in touch with him. I guess that's why I didn't actively try to stay in touch with him after we broke up. But now my passivity combined with his neediness has created some binds between us. He has tried to be with other people and it hasn't worked out for him since we broke up. I wait long periods between relationships. I'm not waiting for him to come back, though. That's just how I operate between break ups. Unfortunately, I sometimes think he thinks I'm waiting for him. I do not want to hurt him, and that was never my intention, but I'm afraid that by this point he's overinflated the importance of our relationship, which I still wish to this day had always been simply platonic and friendly, even though in the past it always became intolerably volatile and painful as our time directly together wore on. On the phone though...most of that pain is numbed and I what we give to one another because it is not overcomplicated like it was when we were together. How to handle this situation?

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