A
male
age
41-50,
*roken210
writes:this weekend my girlfriend and i broke up out of the blue. we have known each other for a while but have only been together for a couple of months. i met her at work and a few months later we started being intimate with each other.you see she had a boyfriend at the time of 9 years and a 5 year old kid together. she told me she had been trying to get out of the relationship for about 2 years but has been threatened with him committing suicide and other things of that nature.soon after us she broke up with him and moved into her moms.what started out just as sex for us became a lot more. we were inseparable and the deep words and hugs she would tell me and give me were like cloud 9.i fell hard for her. she showed me new things and took my heart new places, it was so wonderful! now you see we have really never fought, maybe discuss things but never raise our voice or walk out on each other or anything like that. but this weekend took a very unexpected turn for the worst.out of nowhere (and trust me there were no signs) she doesnt call me or come over. so i text her and call her worried and all she tells me is she cant talk because her grandmother is ill and lives out of state and she is going out to be there for about 2 weeks.i find out that her grandmother has kidney failure and its serious.so she tells me that we need to talk about us, that she doenst really know if im serious about her daughter and a steady job( i lost it). she tells me that since i lost my job and havent been actively looking she doenst think im serious. you see we were supposed to move in together and had found a house and put the application fee in. but it was all out of her pocket.she also tells me that she loves me but is not sure if she wants me. we were really into each other 100% from intimacy to just holding each other. and now she tells me this. so for 4 days she avoids calling me and seeing me all together until she tells me shes bringing a uhaul over and picking the stuff i let her store here when she moved out of her ex's. she gets out of the truck and hugs me while im crying. we proceed to pack her things up and i start giving her back special love things she wrote me or got me.i can tell that giving her back those love trinkets really hurt her but those were not my intentions. i just didnt wanna be reminded. while in the midst packing things up she tells me that her ex was meeting up with her at the storage place to give her some of her daughters thing back that she needs and in return she was giving him stuff of his. she also tells me that there is a good chance we (us) will have a chance and she will come back that night to talk to me. she never came and i find out the next morning through text that her ex proposed to her and she accepted. it didnt really sink in until i actually talked to her over the phone to say our last goodbyes.she tells me that she did love me and i ask her if she does(present tense)she replied with silence and i repeated to ask and she was hesitant to say yes but i knew she wanted to i really did but all that she told me was " would someone do that to someone they really love" speaking of our situation. so in other words NO i guess. but as soon as i tell her i dont hate her she cries hard and tells me "really?" yes i reply and added that i also forgive her. i really do feel like that. it wasnt just words. i understand that she had history and feelings invested and we were just starting but why??!!! why like this? so after her hard cries in which i felt like hugging her so tightly, we hang up and now im here, hurting and in pain. i havent eaten for 4 days and have been smoking profusely. it helps.i ask.. did she really love me? was i a rebound? what is a rebound? she told me that she did love me and care and want to start a life and bear my children. she told me all of that and yet im here and shes getting married today actually. ouch i know! but i still love her.i want to spend my life with her and her daughter. if she were an ocean id want to jump in head first and never get out only to become one with her. she told me stuff like that and i her. she looked into my eyes so deep and with so much passion. she dug her head so deeply into my chest only to make me sigh with the overwhelming feeling of love. we had kettle corn together and i played her songs on my guitar in which she listened to my every word and followed my hand movements as if her eyes and my hands danced together. she painted me wonderful beautiful art and taught me how to plant stuff and not kill it. i made every move with consultation. we were known as two peas in a pod to our friends and thought to have been married by strangers.we planned a future together and i gave all my trust to her.we cooked for each other and savored every bite while looking into each others eyes. she gave me everything and all i every wanted was to spend the rest of my life making her happy and repaying her for the way she made me feel alive.why would someone just leave that? why did all this happen? someone please.... tell me
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at work, broke up, grandmother, her ex, moved in, moved out, text Reply to this Question
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male
reader, broken210 +, writes (6 June 2008):
broken210 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you all for the kind words. makes me feel better actually. i dont like feeling like this.
A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (6 June 2008):
 When we get into relationships, we go in sometimes with blinders on. We leave one relationship and get into the next without fixing what went wrong with ourselves in the previous relationship-that is a rebound. Rebounds usually have issues because the closure of the previous relationship was never done. She still hadn't worked through the issues with her ex. Why did she leave him? What wasn't he giving her? What was the source of her unhappiness? Sometimes when we are unhappy, we blame our relationships instead of ourselves. We are responsible for our own happiness and the bottom line is that our relationships are a reflection of us. When we are troubled, our relationships are troubled. But was it the relationship that caused the trouble. It isn't always.
In your case, you losing your job was a crack in the armour. She began to evaluate her life with you. Maybe rather than to struggle through with you that the life she had previously was not the source of her trouble. The other thing that happened was a major family illness which always causes us to reevaluate our lives. No one knows for sure what really happened, if she is compromising what she wanted because she went back to what was known and safe or if it really is the life she wants after all.
I am sorry you are hurt by her actions and things are tough for you now but time does have a way of mending broken hearts.
Take care.
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A
female
reader, lexilou  +, writes (6 June 2008):
 Yes I think she did love you but maybe she has never got over the love she had with her daughters father, maybe she is thinking her daughter is better off having her father in her life than another man which is sadly not always true.
I know it hurts right now, especially as you say it was out of the blue but you will feel better in time, time IS a great healer. I dont think thre is anything you can do here. But you will be able to trust and love again and hopefully it will turn out better x Wishing you happiness
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A
male
reader, broken210 +, writes (5 June 2008):
broken210 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionif she just gave me a chance i know it would have been great. i was into her little girl and know that over time the feelings would have just grew. but you do make sense and i hope she loved me. i just want her to be happy. thank you for the quick response. its definitely something to think about.
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A
male
reader, Uncle Sneaker +, writes (5 June 2008):
 The simple answer is that there is more to living than love.
Maybe she did love you. Maybe she was really in love with you. Maybe, even, she still is.
From what you say, I think a greater and very different love came first: the love of her daughter. I think she may not have followed her heart but instead looked at what was most likely to be the best for her child, and you weren't.
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