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female
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*exta
writes: Just after some advice. I have been with my partner for just under a year. Recently I found him on a sex contacts website advertising for no strings attached fun - he had put that he could travel but couldn't accommodate (we live together) and that he always practised safe sex. I confronted him and he said he didn't know why he was on it I also discovered from his credit card statement that he has been subscribing to sexually explicit websites and text chatting. After lots of talking he thinks that the reason he does it is cos he's not very sexually experienced and he's trying to gain confidence - we don't have sex that often and he gets shy about talking dirty. About 12 yrs ago he was painfully shy and wouldn't say boo to a goose and now he regularly talks to people he doesn't know at work and had a high powered job. He has told me he will be more open and I do know I turn him on and he loves me but i just can't trust him. Part of me wants to set him up and pretend to be someone else and see if he would cheat but the other part of me doesn't want to play games - he knows how much he's hurt me - I shouldn't have gone snooping around but I only did it because he is so cagey - like on the computer he has set up seperate log ins for me and for him and his phone is never on when i'm around or if it is it's in his pocket somewhere. Am i being really stupid by staying? I love him so much and he gives me so many wonderful things and we share so much but I feel sick with jealousy and worry that he will cheat which I know is due to my insecurities as well about myself. Any advice would be great.ThanksBex
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2006): You're not stupid at all for staying, but his excuse for doing it is pretty crap!
Your problem is a very common thing that comes up on here, and you wouldn't believe the kinds of excuses I've read from the guys doing it.
The bottom line is, he is seeking sex from people other than you. If you think that is excusable, that is fine.
If you think it's a form of cheating, that is fine too.
Relationships can get over things like this, but only if you are *sure* he is not interested in anyone else sexually.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do, ok?
A
female
reader, Smiler +, writes (7 June 2006):
 Hey there sweetie
well firstly i completely understand where you are coming from here and i wouldn't trust him as far as i could throw him either, but you do sound like you are genuinely in love with this guy, its just a pity he is taking the mick.... he obviously has no respect for you or your feelings at all... there is shyness and stupidity does your man relise the differance, if he was so painfully shy sweetie he wouldn't be on these sexually explicit chat rooms offering himself to alsorts of people but what staggers me is you seem to just be accepting his behaviour, honey you deserve so much better i always thought that a true relationship has to have trust as a big part of it, in order to make it a success.. but if you truely don't trust him and i don't blame you in any way at all then ask yourself honey honestly what future do you have with this guy? all this saying he only did it because he lacked sexual experience in my honest opinion is just an excuse to disguise his rotten behaviour, you don't deserve this treatment honey he has hurt you alot and will just continue to do so if you don't take drastic action soon my advise is quite simple sweetie save yourself the heartache and get out now i know you say you love this guy but you can and will find someone so much better who will treat you the way you deserve, kick this loser to the kerb before he hurts you again...
and no i don't think you are stupid at all i wouldn't trust him either
I hope my advise helped you ut a little sweetie Good luck, if you ever need a friend to talk to or just some more advise don't hesitate to email me i'm always here for you ok... would like to hear from you again let me know how you get on ok..
You Take Care Sweetie X
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