A
female
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anonymous
writes:I have a girlfriend and we've been friend for many years. She and her husband have always had a rocky marriage. He has a reputation for fooling around on her and when this happens she sleeps with other men to get even. Maybe it's an ego boost. My husband knew both of them long before me and he told me she once came onto him when she was "feeling low". He says he declined because he was friends with her husband back then but said he's always been attracted to her. Years later their marriage seems a little better but still not great. They had a major blow up the other night and he moved out. She came to our house to talk to me, but I was not home and she knows my car, and knew it wasn't in the driveway. She came to the door anyhow. My husband was there so she cried on his shoulder. She stayed about an hour, according to him and then left before I got home. He casually mentioned that she came by to talk to me. But she always calls or texts me first to see if I'm home. This time she did not. I told him it sounded like she came to talk to him not me, and because I know her pattern is to have casual sex with another man when they're fighting, I sort of took offense to her "surprise" visit to my home while I was away. My husband just shrugged and said nothing happened, which I believe. But I'm pretty sure my husband is still attracted to her. She is gorgeous, has big boobs the whole package. I sometimes think my husband regretted not taking her up on her offer years ago. He's not friends with her husband anymore either. So I am now uncomfortable with her being around us. I just don't trust her and I feel terrble because she is a lovely person in so many ways. Am I overreacting?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2012): You know you can't trust her.
It is only your husband that you need to trust. Work on your relationship with him, and make sure he knows how much he means to you.
"The whole package" Nobody is "the whole package" without love and dedication. That is what makes the whole package.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2012): No you arent over reacting. If it is her normal habit to check you are home first. Then it was odd that she made a beeline for your house without checking you were in. Even stranger, she went into your home, knowing you werent there and left before you got back...and i assume she didnt contact you and let you know about the visit, that was left to your husband.
Did the comforting involve any physical contact? If it was a strong cup of tea and a bracing chat, that is one thing. But if any physical contact took place, like hugging/cuddling, then ditch her quick because friend or not, she is bad news.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2012): No dont trust her if she came on to him once shed try again. Im sure she still looking for that ego boost after being rejected by him the first time!! If shed betray her husband to sleep with his friend, what makes you think she will have more loyalty to you??
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (15 January 2012):
 No way should you trust her!
You can trust your husband though as of now because he's being honest with you, informing you of what happened and such. This is a good thing. I doubt at all that he's regretting not taking her up on her offer because guys don't respect that sort of thing, and he has you!
I would tell your husband that her coming over while he's alone, his allowing her to come into the house on her own for an hour to cry on his shoulder crosses a boundary and is inappropriate. Ask him to honor you on this, no matter how unimportant or meaningless he thinks it is, that her past advances toward him and his admitted attraction towards her makes this an unacceptable situation.
If he gives you any argument about it, ask him how he'd feel if the situation was reversed, and a man who was sexually interested in you and had made past advances toward you were to come to your house alone to cry on your shoulder for an hour. I guarantee that he would be even more unyielding about the guy not setting one toe into your house to be alone with you in any capacity. In both cases, with this woman and if the situation were reversed, it's like having a fox come into the chickenhouse to comfort a chicken. Right.
I think he loves you though, and would agree to a no-contact without you present. You might want to re-think your friendship with her too if she's this untrustworthy.
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