A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I´m 19 and I´m a girl, i´ve always had a hard time making friends, to the point that I don´t have any friends. Somehow i managed to get a bf, he is a sweet guy, i love him and i know he loves me, we have been together for 2 and a half years, but he is the only person i hang out with, we attend to the same college and we spend every second together. And I think it should not be like that,I mean, I have no time for anything else than the classes and him... He has encouraged me to make friends and to talk to people, and i want to, but i can´t find the way to do that. I have a few questions, my first one, is it normal to spend so much time with my bf?, I feel that he should not be the center of my life, I don´t want to leave him, I just want to divide my time between him, my studies, and i want to meet people... Which is related to my second question, what can i do to make friends?, how can i start a conversation with a classmate? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (14 October 2012):
 You are quite correct to come to the conclusion that your Boyfriend should not be the center of your life.
But before you make some friends you need to enrich your own life.
Friends are a give and take mutually satisfying relationship. If all you do is spend time with your boyfriend and your studies then you don't have much to talk about to others and that will make it harder for you to talk to others and spark their interest in wanting to be your friend
And they will have some things happening in their lives and you will be struggling to add much to the conversation when they ask, 'what have you been doing lately'.
Plus your own self esteem will take a nose dive from spending too much time with just yoru boyfriend and yoru studies.
There are times when you are not studying and where you could be doing something else.
Accordingly I would first encourage you to take up two other hobbies that are unrelated to your studies, though could be complementary to your studies. Something where you personally can achieve something on your own. This will improve your self esteem and help you you to have a rise in your self confidence.
Within those activities you may make friends. But even amongst the people you see when studying you may make friends who might have everlooked you in the past.
It is hard to say what things to take up as I do not know you. However I sould suggest one hobby that is creative but might also be developed into a hobby that might earn you a modest side income.
And the second activity I would suggest is something altruistic where you give of your time to help others or contribute to society in your area in some way. This activity could also relate to your studies in some way and one day be entered on your CV when you apply for a job.
I will give you some examples:
IF you were studying nursing you could offer to be one of the very kind volunteers who visit people in hospital where the person has no relatives at all.
Or if you love animals you could join a program where a trained handler brings in a friendly dog once a week into a aged cared facility for the elderly clients to interact with the dog. As this helps the clients and rewardsyou.
Another example:
IF your were studying design you could enroll into a course on jewellery making and learnto make simple things like earings and bracelets and then IF you thought the standard of your word was good enough you could sell your handmade earings on etsy.com
IF your were studying land management you could enroll in a course to learn how to make a product from the land. And then sell the produce at a local weekend market
IF you were studying to work in the travel industruy or you were studying journalism you could do some freelance writing and join a writers group where the participants were learning how to write a particular genre of books or join a group encouraging each other to write travel books.
Once you join two totally different groups to enjoy some additional activities you then increase the chances that you will meet people who potentially could become your friends.
But first you have to be in the right place at the right time.
Doing some additional activities will also ensure that you have far more things to share with your boyfiend and you life will have added excitement and purpose.
The other VERY IMPORTANT part is that to attract friends you first have to like who you are.
And to attract friends you have to BE a friend to them first. Listen to them without interrupting. Be interested in what they are doing and remember the names of their children and the partner. Be happy to see them and say hello and then ask how they are
When you greet a person always use their NAME and learn to put their NAME into the conversation more than once after that. People love to hear their NAME.
Also never gossip about others and avoid people who do. A person who will gossip about others to you will then gossip about you to others.
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