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female
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*aren101
writes: HiI have just found out i am pregnant, and i am absolutely thrilleda little bit scared, but still, so happyi suppose thats only naturalhowever, it was not planned, i wasnt on the pill, but i got drunk and ended up taking a risk and having unprotected sexnow for me, i am calm, not panicy, not regretfulbut the father is an ex of mine who i have been having sex with on and off sine we broke upthe problem is he has a live in girlfriend, and i dont know if i'll be able to tell him that i am pregnantme and him had a nasty abortion 2 years ago, it wasnt amicable, and it messed with my head.i dont think i can tell him, im very much verging ont he decision of never telling him and keeping this thing a big secretbut then i think, thats not fair on my babyin ten years time down the line, when it asks why it's dad is not in its life, do i want to have to turn around and say, 'well sweetheart, funny thing, but i never actually told youre dad you were alive'i know im being selfish, and i know you cant make me do anything, but i just need a sounding board, someone to talk todo i tell him and turn his life upside down?
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abortion, broke up, drunk, the pill, unprotected sex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (10 December 2006):
 Right some straight talking.
You can't tell him you are pregnant but you can have sex with somebody? It amazes me how people can be physically intimate but not in the slightest bit emotionally open.
You had a 'nasty abortion' two years ago, but you still had unprotected sex....do you not learn by your mistakes honey? Have you not been there before? How many more times do you need to be in this position before you learn the lesson life is trying to teach you?
He is the one with a lot to lose, he ahs another erelationship. He also has a lot to answer for by not using condoms and insisting on contraceptives, it is not all down to you.
If you keep this baby you owe it to yourself and your child and your lover to TELL THE TRUTH, whether it hurts or not.
A
male
reader, maxsteel86 +, writes (3 December 2006):
 I think you should tell him. If he's sleeping with you while he's got a girlfriend, then you'll probably be doing her a favour! I guess it'll be pretty tough but atleast you know that if you want to keep the baby, there's nothing he can do to stop you!
Go ahead and tell him and let whatever happens, happen. The baby should atleast have a chance to know its father. Besides, if you dont want to turn his life upside down, you can tell only him. If he decides to tell his girlfriend, its his own decision.
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A
female
reader, NAS +, writes (3 December 2006):
Well I am in a sort of similar situtation as you are right now. You definitely need to tell the father. It is the hardest thing to do but he did not use protection either and it takes two. If he is with someone else then he should not be sleeping eith you at the same time. Hopefully you two are mature enough to sit down and really talk about things. Let him know that you want to have the baby and see how he reacts. If you want to let him know that he doesn't have to have anything to do with the child that is fine, but if he is a good guy, he will want to be a part of his child's life. You are both pregnant and you need to deal with this together. Who knows, he might be suprisingly supportive. That is what I have found from my ex. We have agreed to be friends and focus on the child first and foremost above everything else!
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A
female
reader, Love Rockx my Sockx +, writes (3 December 2006):
Yes.....You definitely have to - u have answered ure question alredi if u read through what u have just said.
Firstly it was soo wrong to be having casual sex with him after the relationship had ended and u didnt even use contraception - ever think about STD's - have a check up and make sure everything is fine okay?
Tell him the truth but try not to put that much pressure on him. Realise he may nto actually get involved in the baby's life or even help u support it due to his gf and the fact that u guys arent together anymore. But u have to try : dont regret anything plz!!!!
Be strong and hopefulli there are loving people out there who are willing to support u
Xx Good Luck xX
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