A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:*Sigh* Where to start? For a couple months, it seems like my relationship has been hanging on by a thread. I know we love eachother but we always seem to rub eachother the wrong way.In the past, I've been hurt so many times, that I have put a wall up and it took four months for me to even open up with my boyfriend.Sometimes I feel like my boyfriend is manipulating me, to make me feel like I'm the bad guy in the relationship when I'm not, and other times I feel like I'm actually the bad guy.I'll admit, I'm not a perfect girlfriend and I think this reflects a lot on my past. I want everything in my relationship to be perfect, and I can't stand it when things go my way.For months, my boyfriend has bent over backwards for me, to give me anything and everything I want, flowers, braclets, and he bought me a ring, and anything else I need. But, I still feel like it's never enough to win me over.I don't know why, maybe it's because I have never been pampered in my past, and now I'm taking full advantage of every chance I get because I know I will get it, so ulimately I know I'm selfish.But, at the end of the day, I know the problems in our relationship have much more to do with that, with the lack of communication and endless promises on both of our parts to change our behavior and listen to eachother and be more open, but it never happens. Everytime we argue, things are swept under the rug and forgotten, but then another arguement will arise sometimes even as early as ten minutes later.I really feel hopeless now, as I know we're trying so hard to make it work, but it doesn't seem like it's ever going to change unless we're both willing. We bicker a lot, and we bang heads, but there are happy days, especially the first 6 months in our relationship. (We've been dating for 9 now)I just don't know if it's a lost cause or if there is anything to do salvage our relationship when we're constantly pointing figures and nobody wants to take the blame.Everytime we argue, I cry a lot and I always felt hurt and unloved in my other relationships and this is how I'm beginning to feel, and ever since the emotional abuse in the past, I've made a promise to myself that I wouldn't let another guy make me weak so now I feel like I have to walk away because I'm often feeling hurt.. and I don't want to be weakened again by someone's love.
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