A
male
age
36-40,
*nonymouse355
writes:I'm feeling jealous. My girlfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half, and for the past 3 months our relationship has been long distance. I will be visiting her in about a month. When we weren't apart, it was obvious that one of her male friends was really into her, because he was rude to me and was always flattering her. I just recently found out that he will be visiting her before I come to visit. (Within the next few weeks) I'm pretty sure nothing will happen (my girlfriend and I are still getting along fine) but it still makes me really jealous that he will be staying with her (and her parents) for a short time. Honestly, I don't like the guy and wish he would just go away. But, I know he is a dear friend of my girlfriend and it would be unfair of me to say something callous like that. I can understand being attracted to my girlfriend (I am too!) but he pissed me off before because of how rude he was to me. I want to talk to my girlfriend and get her to assure him that she only wants to remain friends, but not overreact when I speak with her about it. I need advice on what to do, and think!
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male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (28 October 2010):
In addition to your follow up.. if you feel it is inappropriate (which I probably would) then say that. But like I say, don't make a big deal of it. This guy obviously would make a move on your gf if he could. And if your girlfriend is in to you, she should not want him coming on to her. But then again.. girls are a little ignorant sometimes about their friendships with guys in that they think it is entirely innocent when, actually, that guy is liking her just on the off-chance he can make a move on her.
I'm trying to imagine this in my situation. I would not be happy with the arrangement. My girlfriend doesn't have any single male friends.. so I can't see this problem coming up BUT if the situation was reversed.. if one of my female friends was coming to visit me, and my girlfriend had a problem with it, I would probably change my plans to perhaps make it so that I am only meeting up with the friend during the day. Would you be OK with them meeting up for a few hours during the day? Or do you want no contact? I think if you can talk with your girlfriend you will find a happy compromise. I don't think you're being unreasonable to bring it up if it is bothering you that much.
A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (28 October 2010):
Hmm, quite a situation.
In a perfect outcome, you don't say anything, they have a good time being friends.. she misses you and looks forward to when you come over and that's the end of the story.
But actually this situation is somewhat bothering you.
Now I would say you could either not say anything, and either get through it as best you can and not mention anything, or bring the issue up and let her know that you are feeling a bit insecure about it.
You have been together a good amount of time so I presume you know each other fairly well. If you are able to put this issue to her in such a way that you are showing it to be YOUR problem (i.e. - you don't say you distrust her, or distrust him) then she is likely to be very supportive and help you through this.
Remember this though.. if you make something a big deal, it will become a big deal.
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A
male
reader, anonymouse355 +, writes (28 October 2010):
anonymouse355 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI should clarify that they are both vacationing on another continent and are meeting up. The city she is staying in is expensive, and this guy probably couldn't afford to visit her otherwise. I should also note that my girlfriend has told me he asked her out before he knew were dating, and has told her explicitly he has romantic feelings for her.
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A
male
reader, Kenj +, writes (28 October 2010):
 He either thinks he has a chance with her or he is trying to protect her.
Just bring up the subject and ask if he has said anything to her about you, if she says no then just tell her about the instances where he was rude to you.
It may just be his character, i.e. rude with everyone at first some people can be funny at times.
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A
male
reader, rivi  +, writes (28 October 2010):
I can't see any obvious reason why a non sexually active str8 male would want to stay at your gf's house : none.
Unless she is his 'fag hag ' what exactly is the friendship all about ?
I am not saying he is obviously doing it with your gf, I am just asking why on earth he wants to stay in her house and why she wants him to ?
And if there is some legit explanation how come you are not in on it ?
And why are you so desperate for a relationship with this gf that you put up with all these mysteries ?
Unless you get quick, convincing , answers to these questions move on in yr romantic life and leave the paIR of them to it.
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