A
female
age
30-35,
*tarpoi
writes:I feel rather daft asking a relationship question to the internet as oppose to my friends.When i was 13 ( I'm no 18) i met a boy at school, we quickly became best friends and couldn't be apart. We stayed out late very afternoon just talking, i could talk to him forever without a moment silence and to this date i've never had that with anyone else. However, 4 years later we began thinking of each other romanticaly- He told me he loved me and i knew the feeling was mutual. I knew i loved him soon after i met him. For some reason however, i was so overwhelmed i pushed him away from me. I started being insulting to him and soon after we fell out.As soon as we did i couldn't cope. We always had a love/hate relatinship but i felt so angry with myself having pushed him away. I tried to contact him and meet up but it never stuck out. We would meet then drift apart again. ( he was at a different college)I couldn't take thinking about him constantly, i couldn't sleep so i decided to travel and get away. I did, yet eventualy i began thinking about him again, i missed him so much i even began writing him letters. Ocourse, i never sent them.Now, only a couple of weeks ago i emailed him and we've began contacting eachother again. I went to a party of his a couple of days ago and we clicked just like 'old times'. But since the party i feel like i NEED to tell him how i feel. That i've felt like this far too long, that i need some closure or to indeed get over him.One problem though- He, i learnt had been in a relationship 6 months ago yet had been cheated on. And ofcourse, it makes telling him any feelings more awkward. I don't know what to do. Would it be selfish to tell him how i feel? Should i seize the day, should i wait , any adivice?I've only been talking to him again for less than a week...But he's going back to uni soon and i can't take another term like this.
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female
reader, Starpoi +, writes (25 December 2008):
Starpoi is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks all for your advice. I think i'll take it, i just needed a push and some reassurance!
A
male
reader, zahmin89  +, writes (23 December 2008):
For your sanity, it sounds like you need to talk to him. You need to tell him the things that you've said here, but you need to go into it being ready to be turned down, or at least deferred. He sounds like he's been through some shit lately, and he may not be ready to jump back into a relationship.On the other hand, I have faith that he will share your sentiments. I have been best friends with my girlfriend for five years, and dating for one of those years, and I told her that I loved her at 2 AM over instant messenger with a bottle of Tylenol on my desk ready to down, actually APOLOGIZING for my feelings, and we've been together for a year and are doing great (though we went through our own nasty falling out between then and now). As far as I'm concerned, there's a reason why you two got on so well, and there's a reason why your feelings persist.The deepest relationships seem to have at least an element of love-hate to them, and if my own experience is any guide, you two will have a rough start, but with love, understanding, and perseverance, you'll find that it'll get better.NamasteNathan
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2008): Dear starpoi,I have had the whole in love since childhood problem only I had the addition of a serious girlfriend (who agreed him and me being better together). I never had the chance you have of having him being single. I did end up telling him in order to get closure, he ended up marrying her, having a baby and now keeps contacting me. I don't know what that exactly has to do with you except for the fact that if your tactful and unselfish in your declaration go for it. Don't put any pressure in the sense of wanting something asap, but give him leeway and be very sweet about it. Don't make the mistake I made...life really is too short. And if he doesn't feel the same you need to know in order to go on with life because childhood love is the kind that is very persistent and keeps you wondering forever.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2008): im not going to give you a huge long answer cause the answer is simple.
2 words.
tell him.
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