A
female
age
41-50,
*odkablue
writes:please please somebody give me some good advice.i feel so alone i dont know what to do.i split with my fiancee 6 weeks ago. i met him through working at the same place where i was best friends with him. at the time i was seeing somebody else who also worked there but that went wrong because he just didnt give a damn.i tried to make him happy but he was very self centered and didnt like the fact i was friends with my now ex fiancee so eventually we split-we did have a house together but i signed it over to him because i just wanted out.i dont know what happened but some time after i started dating my best friend-my current fiancee.ive been with him 5 years now and its been really awful for the past 4 years. he has an ex wife who he pays money to and is always short. obviously because i loved him i wanted to help him so i kept giving him money and more and more. im now at the stage where i had to declare myself insolvent it got so bad. we rented a property but i moved out and have gone back to my sisters. hes on the list for a council house so im supporting him til then, i just feel so hollow. hes never made me feel special loved or important-even when we used to hug i could feel him shirk like he didnt want to.i just feel like a bag of dog dirt-my lifes ruined. im financially crippled-although ive got debt management now.the other day a girl that used to work at the same place told me my first fiancee had gotten married and had found out what had happened to me with this guy and had told her he thought it was really funny and that i deserved it.i just feel desolate i have felt really low-even to the point of not being here anymore.i just feel like my lifes over-whos going to want to be with somebody whos insolvent with money issues. all i tried to do was help someone and its backfired bigtime im a loser
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female
reader, QuirkLady  +, writes (1 July 2009):
 Andrew gave you excellent advice. I just wanted to add that you can build yourself back up. You still have so much of your life ahead of you and you have plenty of time to get back on your feet again. As long as you have breath in your body anything is possible. Take some time now to concentrate on yourself and figure out what you need to be happy, and focus on that. If you have a goal and work towards it you can achieve whatever you put your mind to. Have faith. It's always darkest before the dawn.
Good luck.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2009): I'm no expert on this but would just like to say you are not alone, I have personally been in similar circumstances as far as recently breaking up with my partner and being left with some serious financial concerns. I can't tell you what to do in this situation as relationships are way too complex to make a judgment just on a small amount of information but I am sure that deep down you probably know what is best for you. It sound like this guy has drained you financially and emotionally and has left you with low self esteem through possible emotional bullying/blackmail but again this is not always the case but I have seen it happen with friends and your situation sounds very similar. I would say that the best thing to do is to draw a line and move on, try to leave as much emotional baggage and any unhappy memories from the relationship behind when you do and certainly stop helping him financially. He has made his bed and it sounds like he should man up and accept the predicament he has put all the people around him in. You need to look out for number one for a while and don't let low self esteem and fear of loneliness hold you back as all these things are temporary. Certainly as far as not being here anymore I would urge you to think of your family and people in your life who really love you and understand that anything to that end is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. As I say I'm no expert but I am going through similar circumstances recently I have been learning that you can be happy without all the money in the world and the perfect partner but if you are not happy with yourself you will never be truly happy with anyone else. Love is only one aspect of life although it does always feel like a big part, we all make mistakes through out life but you shouldn't dwell on the same mistake too long or settle for unhappiness for the sake of anyone else. Good luck, I hope you get over this soon and start to feel better about yourself, you honestly sound like you deserve too. Andrew
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