A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok guys heres my problem . earlia on in the year i was sexually abused by my uncle . this led to months of depression and even a spell in hospital - as i couldnt deal with the aftermath of what he had done . well it turns out there have been other victims in the family . iv got friendly with his son (my cousin Dan) who was a victim 30 years ago . well cut along story short his father (uncle to me ) died and like i have began speaking to him and like he wants me to stay over at his for a couple of nights but the thing is i dont really know him - iv only met Dan twice in my whole life ! and like i dont know if i should stay with him?
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (26 July 2010):
 If you don't really know him, how is it that you know about him being sexually abused by his father? Has Dan told everyone in the family? Does everyone in the family also know about how you were abused?
I think you might want to talk to Dan. It could do you good, to build up somewhat of a connection with him, because even if you are not friends, you are tied together by the same fate. Knowing you are not alone could help you.
But, if you do not feel safe being at Dan's place, arrange to stay elsewhere and perhaps meet Dan during the day-time, but sleep somewhere else?
I think it could be good for the two of you to talk. You don't even have to talk about what happened to you two, just knowing about each other can be helpful, and talking about every day things. Talking helps. Meeting people who have been in the same situation as one self helps.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2010): It sounds to me like you wouldn't feel comfortable or happy staying at his so my advice to you would be to get to know your cousin a little better in surroundings that you are comfortable in. Don't do anything that you don't feel completely happy about doing.
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A
male
reader, Kenj +, writes (26 July 2010):
 I know first hand how your feeling, what you have to know is none of it was your fault so dont blame yourself.
Treat meeting your cousin as just that, theres no need to bring up the past unless you both want to talk about it.
Its history and it wont happen to either of you again your both safe now.
Think of other subjects to talk about, look for common ground other than the obvious one.
If you let it affect your relationship with your cousin his dad / your uncle has another hold over you - dont let that happen.
Hope it works out for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2010): In my opinion it totally depends on what sort of guy he is... if he seems like a nice down to earth person then i would think that staying with him would be a great idea for both of you who have both been through similar experiences and can help eachother get over what you've been through
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