A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:How should I go about my attraction to my close friend?I am currently 21, and I have been friends with this girl since High school. We recently started to get closer to each other due to how often we see each other now, so my attraction for her has grown stronger. When ever we hang out the vibe is super great between each other, but at the same time I feel like its because we're both just super friendly and nice people. I think this way because she always talks to me or vents out to me about guys she finds attractive/crushes on at her workplace. I generally encourage her by saying how amazing, and she would say the same to me. I try to flirt with her and she seems to respond to it well. Flirting from compliments, physical interactions, and vibe. Things sound well until she always brings up the guy at her workplace or whenever she throws in comments of great friend, best friend goals etc. (common friend zone terms/lingo). I met her coworker as well, he is a super amazing dude. Tall, handsome, common interest, funny guy. In my opinion hes practically overall better than I am. She says she feels that he does not like her back when I feel like he would if she chose to go for it. I feel like shes just restricting herself, but I secretly like that because I want to go for her. But I stop myself because for some reason I can not see us in a relationship maybe because of how long we known each other. I feel as if maybe this is just a physical and lustful attraction. I am stuck between the choice of wanting to be more with her, friends with benefits, and or just friends. It's rather confusing with me as well due to the fact she hangs out with my group of friends and we're all considered close friends. I do apologize as the details of this situation is scattered about. To conclude, I don't know how to approach this. I have times where I want to be in a strictly physical relationship. Sometimes I feel maybe dating. Sometimes I don't feel anything at all.
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best friend, co-worker, flirt, friend with benefits, workplace Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnonymous, I really appreciate understanding and seeing someone else's experience (your link doesn't work btw)[Mod note: try this link: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-finally-told-her-how-i-felt-and.html I just removed the "." after the "html" in the hyperlink.]
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionchigirl. You give an amazing point because you're right. I don't know any other females aside from her. I'd like to make an excuse but I don't think I can. She plays a big role in my social group, so leaving her as a friend might be kind of hard esp. with how well we click.
Anonymous, I really appreciate understanding and seeing someone else's experience (your link doesn't work btw)
ITs very similar to my situation from ex to flirting to vibes. so knowing this makes me wary of the whole thing.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (24 January 2016):
 I think this is just a case of Tarzan and Jane in the jungle. She's the only woman around who you're close with, hence you get this instinctual "need" to explore if you can hump her. You dont actually like her as a girlfriend, you're not in love, you just think she's great to hang out with. But it's like with Tarzan and Jane, when they're the only two around, you kinda just have to go there. Even if you're not a great match.
So my advice to you is to leave her as a friend. When in doubt, don't buy. I believe you're only thinking this way because you have spent a lot of time together, and that's it. Maybe you don't have any other female friends or love interests, and so she's the "only one in the jungle" for you. It happens quite often that we try to make our move on the ones with have a chance with, even if we don't like them that way, but simply because.. they're there.
So, leave her as a friend, because she's definitely NOT the only woman in the jungle, and you can find other women who you actually fall in love with and have a relationship with. I think once you shift your gaze on to someone else, and start to spend more time with someone else, this curiosity about your friend will go away.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah those are the kind of thoughts I was having about this. Be the way, your link is an error for me. It's really helpful to know and see someone else's experience. Yeah it's just tough when I see her quite often due to her being a part of my social group.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2016): I'm going to heavily advise against this since I went through the same thing with my now girl ex-bestfriend during the summer. I also posted it about on here when it happened if you want reference. http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-finally-told-her-how-i-felt-and.html. I was friends with my girl best friend for seven years and the last year of our friendship I developed feelings for her. We grew closer due to her abusive ex and the exact same things you are describing; flirting, compliments, physical interactions (the way she held on to me when we had our goodbye hugs)and vibe where strong. She always vented to me about guys and because she fell for a fling this past summer sent me over the edge. I told her how I felt and it was a disaster. She said she didn't see the things I saw between us (flirting, compliments, physical interactions, vibes) and said I was making it all up. Women are very good at manipulation and she only was friends with me to be her vent machine. So in conclusion if you are willing to throw away your friendship then I once again heavily advise you to not pursue your thoughts any further. If she has any hint of you liking her or any indication you want something physical then it's adios amigo!
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