A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:We're both almost 30, been together for about 4 months now, we started out our friendship in an unusual way; I posted an online ad looking for a girlfriend for a long term relationship, she responded, but according to her, she later said that at that time she only wanted friend to talk to. (because of the mess she was in, described later)As we exchanged mails in a course of 6 months, I found her pictures to be attractive, I adored and admired her independence and success as a young business woman, as I myself am aspired to be a successful business person.After 6 months of mail exchanges, we met up, and she turned out to be more attractive than her pictures.As we progress with real life dates for a couple of times, we quickly hooked up, we held hands, kissed, then made out, and eventually made love during a trip together.This is when she told me that she was actually in a horrible relationship with her then-boyfriend, who turned out to be a con-man. I was extremely shocked and disappointed, but later I felt that I did like her for who she was and forgave her, for I understood her ex was a manipulative low life scum bag who cheated ALL HER LIFE SAVINGS to a fake business that he's set up, he's so good that he also cheated her brother a large sum of money, and since she had absolutely no evidence or paperworks, she had to take all the debts, including her brother's.Having no money, she was forced to move back to her home town, and therefore placing us in a long distance relationship; initially I felt so sad for her, and I told her I loved her and that I'd stand by her no matter what happens.But time goes by, actually, just about 4 months since then, I start to question my love for her, I feel that she was not the independent and successful woman I admire, instead she's a foolish, naive girl who got cheated all her money away. She does have a very, very pure and good heart, that's what got her into the troubles she's in, I can't say she's stupid because her entire family knew her ex, and they too, got cheated money away by this con man. She loves me dearly now, she feels so happy with me and she appreciated me staying with her, I know if I tell her about all these, her heart would be shattered, she's now picking herself up (sort of) trying to get back what she's lost, she has no heart to chase after her ex because the guy covered all the tracks and planned all the con-deeds all along during their relationships. I don't know if I love her and I doubt if I can stay with her for the rest of my life, I do feel happy when she's with me, we meet once every weekend for a short amount of time due to our distances, but more and more often, I doubt my feelings towards her, I just know that if I break up with her, I'll feel pain, but she'll definitely break down as she just lost everything she's got and I'm the only one she's got left; I just feel that while I can make it last for a good couple of years, I don't know if I can spend the rest of my life with her.I'm not sure if I'm the one who is not appreciative enough and that I'm selfish; I never have successful relationships, none of my relationships last for more than a year, but I do remain in good terms with my ex, and they find happiness in the future. I don't know if I'm unstable and I think maybe I'm just an ungrateful bastard who neglects a girl who loves me so much, but I just think about this issue over and over again, many times I tell myself to not think too much, I used to love her so much and feel so happy with her, I don't know what happened, I don't desire other women as well, I just feel that, the more I get to know her, the more I feel negative and repulsive about our difference in views and her naive and careless thinkings, on one hand, I feel very touched that she loves me so much for who I am, on the other, I feel that she and I are so different and not on the same page. Any advices/opinions will be appreciated, thanks for reading this long post.
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