A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i am married and i felt i don't love my hubby since i gave birth to my first son. and we were married for 6 years now, and now i am having friends online, there is someone that caught my attention. he is way older than me, but i have feelings for him already. in fact i know i love him. and i wanna be with him. the problem is i dont know how to tell to my hubby that i don't love him anymore.and to my boyfriend online that i am still married. he knows that i was married before, he doesn't know that until now i am still married. i really don't know what to do.. but one thing i am sure of is i love my online boyfriend even if he is far from me.and even he is way much older than me. now how can i let my hubby feel that i don't love him anymore without suspecting that i am having an affair? i don't wanna hurt him, but i can't loose my boyfriend online..
View related questions:
affair Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2009): You HAVE to talk to your husband about this loss of love. You have to tell him about this nebulous guy you met online. I get the idea that you have never met and that you are inexperienced and impressionable. Whatever you do don't think that this online guy will solve your problems. From the account you wrote he will only make them so much worse.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2009): Just a word of caution: I 'fell in love' with a guy online a couple of years ago, during a very rough patch when my long term partner was being verbally abusive. I felt as though I had fallen back in love with life after talking to this online man and my friends warned me that actually, it was me that was feeling that for myself and I shouldn't give all the credit to this online guy. Anyway, it turned out the online guy was chatting to loads of girls, including talking dirty to them online. I am not saying that it is impossible to fall in love online because a friend of mine met a guy online and within a year they were married and she relocated to the US. However, it is not realistic to jeaopardise everything you have for someone you have never met. I agree with the poster who mentioned about stuff like dirt socks for example!! If I were you, I would take a big step back, maybe take some time out for yourself, speak to a sensible girlfriend and really think about what you want from life. Regarding marriages and long term relationships I would always suggest that a couple try to get counselling before throwing the towel in. You say that your online bf doesn't know that you are married so there is a big problem there already. Also, after having a baby, it is possible to feel quite fed up and that combined with the daily reality of responsibility for a small baby and the predictability of a long term husband, can make the grass seem greener but it isn't always so. I wish you luck and I hope you sort things out and remember your child in all of this. Best of luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2009): Online guys can be creeps. Don't trust this man or the online relationship. Just as you are lying to him about still being married he can be lying to you about multiple things. It's a fantasy and a fairy-tale, and not real love. As for your husband, you didnt love him since the child was born. Did you consider these two happenings to be linkled together? Your life changed when you had a child, and somehow you never found back to each other again? You didn't tell us how long ago it is since you gave birth to your child. Also, having so much time to spend online to make friends and online boyfriends tell me one thing: your husband is away much, and you are alone at home for a great amount of time. For a moment, step outside yourself for a little and flip the situation around to see it from more than one side. Perhaps that would give you clarity as for causes, effects, and measures to take. One way to see things is how you described them. Another is this: After th ebirth of yoru child you stayed at home, your husband and you didn't get time for each other because of the baby and work. You felt like you grew apart, and started to go online. Your husband is occupied at work, or with other things, as dont do many thing together with you. Because of the child, you dont get out of the house much, and have little else to occupy yourself with. Going online creates a fantasy escape from the real word and you got hooked. Try to see different scenarios of events, cause and effect and then determine what to do about the situation.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2009): online boyfriends are not to be trusted. have you even met this guy that you have this "love" for? im here to tell you that this electronic age has destroyed a lot of homes because of a person being able to be whatever you think you need with no strings, commitments, or morals. it is a fantasy world. there are no dirty socks, no need for toilet paper, no bills, its just all good. its a happy place to escape to but im here to tell you, you are a fool to leave a good man for this dream guy. you are not barbie and he is not ken. i wish i could make you see the heartache ahead but i know i cant. reality is where you need to focus and this guy isnt reality. your husband is reality. there is no fairy tale. no cinderella, no snow white...but there is happiness. it takes work. it takes working on what you have and the rewards are tremendous. as one who has made her own bad decisions and has her own regrets, i would beg you to cut off this online romance, for truly it is not romance at all...just a delusion. you will be left in the ashes of your paper dreams. mal
...............................
A
male
reader, Advice_man +, writes (11 December 2009):
 You can't be serious right? That's such a selfish thinking, you act as if your husband is a car that you bought brand new, you enjoyed driving it and after 6 years the new model comes up and you wanna trade it! You made your choice, you became a mom and a wife. Because of that choice you made 2 other people's life is affected, for God's sake behave more responsibly and less selfish. Instead of looking for affection in someone else's arms, try working things out with your family and with your husband. Best of luck!
...............................
|
