A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I feel like im a loser and no guy my age will ever like me. I feel like this because ive had two bf's who have had issues with me about being a non drinker and not into partying all weekend, every weekend. My last bf dumped me because of this, he said we were too different. Although he knew when meeting me what i was like. I was upfront in saying i dont drink and am not into partying etc, he said he was over that stage of his life and was ready for a relationship. Now hes changed his mind and broke up with me. He said he realised he wasnt ready yet. This hurts sooo much. I am sick and tired of being the mature person in a bunch of immature people at university who only like to drink and thats there only hobby. I always feel so left out. People always say im the nice persn, but thats it, never the fun person they want to hang out with, just the person they go to for advice or for help. I feel like i have to change in order to fit in and have a bf. either that or i'll be single until im 30!!help?? anyone else felt like this before?
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2008): Spend some time doing things you like, where you may also meet people. Why not try on the odd occasion to party and have a couple of drinks? Perhaps you need to compromise and let you hair down. Not get drunk and stupid etc. Can't you set a trend for having dinner parties at your home or select clubs which are up-market with intelligent people in them? Jazz clubs? Live music and comedy? There is so much to do!
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (26 March 2008):
 This is a world wide phenomenon of single women in their 30's.
You won't be the only one.
Women are getting married late
No worries matey!
Just enjoy your single life and if your Prince Charming comes ,
he will find you.
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A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify  +, writes (26 March 2008):
 i gave up drinking myself a couple of months back, although i do take ecstacy but you cant really do that very often (once a month is pushing it a bit too far), and spend a lot of time with people drinking. for the most part its ok for the first few and can be fun to be around but when people reach later stages (in some people the early stages are just as lame) things get irritating, that is no-one can follow a thread of the conversation and people say things that make you think "shut it!". but i dont sit there and comment on the drunk behaviour, if it gets to me i make an excuse and leave but on the whole my friends are good entertainment on the booze, though it makes a dull man even more lacklustre!
i would guess that these guys are attracted to you because you are quite good looking then when they realise that you're serious and have interests outside of sloppy social alcohol events they dont want to know as the reality dawns that when they are pissed you will judge their bad behaviour and if it fails to impress they wont get any sex.
you need to meet guys through a hobby like a sports club-climbing or sailing, or a hobby like art or music. you will meet people here that you share a common interest with, and try to avoid guys that are shallow-and drugged as they just want sensory pleasure.
and maybe avoid trying to get into a relationship and wait until someone feels right
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2008): There are plenty of men who do not drink and party all weekend. I would not fret over this at all. Jusst be patient
Mr Right for you will come along just in time and way before you're 30! Good luck to you.
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A
male
reader, is it true love  +, writes (26 March 2008):
ok look im 17 years old iv went down the drinkking path and the smoking path there both bad for u dont do ethier for ne1 dont do nething u wouldnt do by urself nethier is good or healthy for u trust me more n likly u werent giving him sumthing and he wuz trying to get u drunk where u would fall into it. trust me dont drink or smoke...... learn from experince
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2008): You need to meet someone who is right for you and this one clearly isnt. He just wants a drinking partner.Once you get out into the big wide world your life will change and for the better, so just put this down to experience and move on. Dont beat yourself up, you deserve better and never settle for less.
take care
xx
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (26 March 2008):
 Yep, I think you're right - he just wanted someone who would drink with him. You did all you can. In which case that's pretty awful for you, because I think you did all the right things.
Don't give up - what you did was right, and he just didn't take you up on it. Don't think now that there's no hope at all - I'm sure out of all those guys at uni that there's at least one (probably dozens) who'd love to be with you and who would appreciate the kind of compromise you're happy to make.
Maybe focus on your good friends for the time being, and keep your eye out for someone worth having. I think you should keep going to parties in the way you do, as well. You never know who might be there.
Sorry not to have an easy answer, because I think you've been unlucky with this guy. Just have faith - every time in my life I've thought 'oh no, nobody will ever want me!!', strangely enough someone turns up pretty quick. : )
And remember that it's your inner glow that will attract people. Maybe do something like focus on yourself for a while - do lots of swimming, get your hair cut, listen to the kind of music only you like, be with yourself, whatever it takes, and try to develop an 'I'm happy with myself' type feeling - then they will come to you, I'm sure. : )
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2008): This won't be what it's always like. Of course you'll find someone - there's loads of great guys out there. Not everyone likes to party all weekend, every weekend. Personally, I'm not really into it either. I get a bit freaked out to be honest! In case I drink just a bit too much, or something bad happens. So I can understand how this is bothering you. But I have a boyfriend - which proves there ARE guys out there who don't just want to party!! At university, it's always going to be hard, because it's such a cliche. You get drunk, you party, you wake up next to a stranger with a killing headache.
But just because that's the way it seems to be, it doesn't mean you have to be like that too. Loads of guys no doubt will feel the same way you do about partying. And you know, when you find a guy that you love and loves you back, he won't mind you not partying. I believe everyone has someone out there for them, every single person. And when you find him, he'll love you for who you are.
If you want, you could maybe go to a bar or something and have just one drink or two, just to show it's not because you're scared or anything. Guys and girls often meet at clubs/bars because it shows they're up for a good time. So if you're not into partying, show you can have fun in another way, and aren't just a generally boring person. Nobody wants to have to feel tied down if they get into a relationship!
Good luck :]
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionnatasia- thanks for your advice. i have tried some of your suggestions, such as going to parties for a couple of hours in the beguining. i do go to them to see my frineds and stuff and in fact with my ex bf i spent alot of time in drinking environments FOR HIM yet he still feels that it wasnt going to work. so its like although i was making some sacrifies and trying to compromise and meet him halfway, it wasnt enough, he wanted a gf who would drink and get drunk with him i think.
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female
reader, natasia +, writes (26 March 2008):
Just remember you won't be at university forever. And surely there are some other people there who don't party 24/7? I think the thing is that you don't drink - a good thing, and much better for you, but that's what sets you apart. I understand (pregnant for 9 months now and I just let everyone else get on with the partying!!). Can't you come to some arrangement with a boyfriend, though? ie, that he goes to a party and you go with him for a bit, then leave him there to have fun and see him later? Because I think you being mature is really you just not drinking, and you're going to have to look carefully to find someone at university who'll feel the same as you. You can't stop others doing it, so if you don't want to feel left out, you'll have to find a way of tolerating it. (not that I agree with it - I think the debauchery at universities is really bad, and causes a lot of problems - and wastes all the time people could be getting a good degree!).
When you leave university and start working or being generally in other environments, you're sure to find someone who thinks like you. Don't worry. It's just how you get by in the meantime ... I think you have to try to loosen up a bit, even if you don't want to (and kind of shouldn't have to). You don't have to be really drunk at these parties - can't you go for a couple of hours and talk to people, etc, before they get real drunk? I know it's hard. I really know the feeling - you just feel like going home, and you wish someone would come with you and say they too have had enough of it.
Maybe you'll find that guy somewhere at university. Look for him.
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