A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm with a girl now who meens a lot to me. She is my first and only girlfriend. We dated in highschool, she cheated on me and I forgave her, but the then she broke up with me when we went off to college. I eventually quit talking to her though I moved to the same school but never talked to her. I had no interests in getting back with her. I tried really hard for a long time to find someone to date but no one wanted me (to be honest I'm extremely unattractive). I finally got the nerve to talk to her again and she was so happy to have me back. She told me how much she missed me and how she would always wish I'd call her but that she wanted to respect my wishes so she never contacted me.I'm now with her (going for about 4 months) and at first I was just relieved to have her back, just to have someone back. But I still resent her for cheating on me and abandoning me. Now I don't know what to do. It feels like I have a tainted relationship. I don't want to be with her but I don't want to be alone nor do I want to hurt her by leaving her. I don't know why I care I just can't bring myself to hurt her like that. She's noticed it to... She knows I don't feel the same towards her. She's not mad at me about it, she hates herself for making me feel that way. Should I break up with her? What should I do? I don't think that I'd be able to find another girl if I did.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2009): (this is the poster)
I don't know if I can. She's trying so hard to make me happy. She knows that I'm still hurt and is scared to death I'm about to leave her. I just can't help but think that maybe this time she'll get it right. How could I denigh someone that? Its just that everytime I tell myself I will break up with her this time I see how hard she's trying and can't do it. I've been rejected by girls even when I try, I'd feel like such a hyocrite...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2009): Believe me, you'd rather be alone than to be with a girl that has cheated on and abandoned you. That's not really a relationship. How can you trust her at all? You breaking up with her is going to hurt her a lot less than how badly she hurt you.
If/when you break up with her, try to do some work on yourself. I'm not sure what it is you are unhappy with yourself about, but you should do as much as you can to make it better. Lose weight, buy new clothes, whatever it is. Then, you need to work on your confidence. You sound like a nice person, and if you just had some confidence in yourself, people would start seeing you in a whole new light. Stop being down on yourself and saying you can never get a girl and try to be a little more positive every day. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, GeorginaMC  +, writes (25 December 2009):
Yes, don't be harsh about it though. Explain in detail exactly why you are breaking up with her. If you come across as a dick then you will break her heart! Don't say "It's not you, it's me." Does not work, makes us think that it's us even more. Detail, sincere apology, explain, then everything should be fine. Don't drag her along if you don't feel the same, would you want that?
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