A
female
age
41-50,
*riftingsandy
writes:I need some relationship advice. I keep waffling back and forth and I think some advice would be great. I've been in a relationship now for a little over three years. When I met him, I thought he was "the One." I would have to say we had a very rough start. I guess all the signs were there that he wasn't as interested as I was in him. He also conveys to me that I was sending him "mixed signals" and he is right. I know what I was feeling in my heart which was I loved him and I put him first above everything else. I feel like it hasn't been that way reciprocally. He does what he feels like doing. When I question how he feels for me the best he can do is say that he doesnt go out, he takes care of me, etc. When we argue he says the worse things to me, hateful mean things. He has this unique way of getting himself into trouble or just bad luck, Im not sure what best to call it. A few weeks ago for example I found a video of one of his crew members (he works on a boat) undressing... he says it was all a misunderstanding because the camera was on to figure out if someone was going into the safe which is also in the spot where she was. I think what upset me the most is that he didn't even mention the faux pas and his biggest concern was why it hadn't been erased. About a week, we were both on the couch, he was laying down, his feet in my lap and I had just gotten a cup of tea(a large mug!) and he says some of the tea dropped on him and he got startled and as a result kicked the tea out of my hands spilling all over me which resulted in severe burns on me. I was in a great deal of pain and he was telling me to take my dress off, I thought they said never to remove your clothes when you get burned but he was insistent. My skin came off. Then he started packing ice all over me, I thought cold water was the best, but again he was insistent. He had some prescription cream so he went to get it, leaving me with the baby (who was asleep but woke up when he left). He returned in an hour with the cream and I googled online and said we should go to the hospital. He argued with me a little and said I know what Im doing, there going to do the same thing I am doing and I said you can't give me anything for the pain and I am in a lot of it! Finally, we left, they gave me a shot of morphine and pain killers. One week later I am still in a lot of pain and discomfort. He keeps reminding me its not his fault and telling me I would have done the same thing. He even suggested testing me to see how I would respond. I am not ever telling him its his fault but when he says that it irritates me. I couldn't have burned myself without him kicking the mug and there is no burn on him, anywhere. Anyways, I've gotten to this point where I think everything has piled up and I feel cold and distant. I don't know how to explain it but I think he tries really hard but then he also pushes me away a lot too. I dont feel like he has ever really gone after me. If we are having problems his answer is typically I cant do this any more and lately he keeps telling me I am very difficult. I think given all the circumstances I have been easy going. I know there are two sides to every story and Im sure on his end maybe he would tell a different story. I can't help how I feel and Im not sure what that even means now. Whenever I consider leaving, I just look at our one year old and think I dont want him to grow up in a non-traditional household. I dont know what to do because I want that for the baby but then I don't feel secure or safe with my husband, I dont feel loved, I dont feel like I can talk to him and if I make an effort to; he doesnt seem like he is listening, he'll interject with something from the radio or just not pay attention well, if Im said he is horrible at comforting me. I have trouble dealing with his past, it makes me feel really jealous. I keep telling myself its something I should just accept. I think he is inlove with his exwife. I dont know. I guess what I need is some good advice and if you have questions- please ask so you can better advise. Thanks!
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female
reader, missdimples3 +, writes (22 July 2010):
 look somehow I know exactly where you coming from, I'm sorry but he's a jerk for not admitting it was his fault and you know it was!! I really hope he at least said he was sorry or show some worried or kissed your forthead. if he didn't do any of that then everything you are feeling is right!
the best advice I can give you is this... Take a break... take your baby and go somewhere for a while. tell him you need a break don't say anything else thou. tell him that you love him but you need to get away cuz he's not trying and you just need a peace of mind. I really hope he will understand n let you go.. and if you do get the week off. don't call him don't text unless of course he does it first. basically ignore him if this doesn't work... then I think you should talk to him n tell him how you feel and tell him you want in but he needs to work on it with you as well!!! good luck n hope this helped you a bit.
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